Bass(sic) Adventures In Pan

Constraints

2011-06-25T00:26:00.000-05:00

As a doctor I am privy to information about my patients that they would prefer kept in strict confidence. I dislike knowing people"s business, so it is an arrangement that works for me... they tell me stuff and I try to forget they told me stuff. No harm, no foul.

However, when they piss me off, which they do a great deal, I would love an avenue to vent! But crossing that line is serious business. Issues of doctor-patient confidentiality betrayal is almost as bad as pulling an Anthony Weiner!

You can't tell the story with any identifiable details, including details of conditions that may be used later to help identify a patient. You can never assume that such indiscretions can't get back to the patient. Speaking hypothetically is just not an option either. You can give anecdotal stories and stuff for giggles but those aren't the venting stories are they.

Dealing with human beings means you need an outlet. Since they don't pay me enough to afford a reasonable outlet, I have TGIF and a few select friends who I trust to be confidential. The commitment from all involved is a contribution to the Darwin tales. Sometimes we get a little rowdy. The musgrave madness does that to me. That's right, I blame the musgrave madness!

Anyway, any other details would let you realise that doctors are human so I am done.

Old becomes New

2011-04-06T06:25:00.000-05:00

So the prodigal has returned. I haven't posted anything sensible in about a year and all of a sudden I am back at Blogger, my roots! Was just passing by and noticed that they updated the templates and they don't look half bad. Also I am not so keen on fanciness anymore. Don't know if this a resurgence but I can say welcome back Kotter!

Movements

2009-04-29T11:47:00.001-05:00

Gentle folks.... I've decided to move to wordpress. Blogger not offering me enough templates and I am once again haunted and want to change it. Because they introduced widgets, I lose too much when I use an outside template. Don't have the time to wade through the code, so the easiest thing is to move over to a provider who will give me choices. Don't plan to close this blog but want to see my blog in better/ different colours.

So I'll be at http://bashmentbasses.wordpress.com/ . I am importing my posts and comments there as well.

Talk about carrying around baggage!

Later.

Regrets

2009-04-23T02:10:00.000-05:00

I regret not following up my blog as I used to in previous years. Everyday I see something else I can blog about, some mundane, some topical... all with something I can learn from. But alas I have not been sharing in this medium. I avoid lumping them and presenting bites because that's Bass chocolate's MO. But none-the-less I just gonna speak extemporaneously.

HIJACKING
Let it not be said that I agree with any politician but.... if you have things in place to deal with what you are accustomed to dealing with, and a breech occurs outside of the culture.. I suspect you will be caught with your pants down too. Everyone was in shock when they awoke to the news. The first thing I thought was that the hijacker came down in the plane, not that he boarded in Ja!! Dat don't mek no sense to me. All now it don't mek sense. Him coulda deh pon crack or have schizophrenia.. it is not a Jamaican tactic!! My fear now is dat some idlers thinking to demself ... "hey, yu know seh mi neva ting bout dat! Come mek wi Ijack one plane to farrin!"

STRIKE
My fellow doctors decided that the best way to deal with the current economic impasse with the government is to go on strike. Here's the problem. If a patient dies on my watch because I was on-strike, then I am criminally responsible. I may be able to get a lawyer to get me off on some technicality and suffer no real fall-out from something like that..... but I have a conscience that won't allow that. I think it is not the best option at this time. Yes we need to put pressure on the government to devise and execute transparent methods of collecting outstanding taxes. As it is if they should manage to that, they would have made up their shortfall. Instead they want to impose new taxes while freezing wages, allow a continuation of free market forces to worsen inflation, risk civic unrest, threaten the citizens with police retaliation if they want to protest, etc...
But we cannot in good conscience expect increases in wages at this time, given the country's economic difficulties. I see first hand how health care suffers when patients can't afford medications because they have to choose between caring for children and buying meds. That's unacceptable! Until I went to the pharmacy to fill a prescription for my grandmother. $8000 for pain killers and pressure meds!!! How di backside pl gonna keep up?!

CHARITY
We need to become our brother's keeper. It's the only way we will survive. Nuff said!

BARAK
The man has been given a basket to carry water through hell! He inherited a messed up economy. If he manages to guide them through this, the powers that be will say they chose wisely. If he falls on his face, they will say that a black man wasn't ready. I wish him well and hope he makes it. More people depend on his success than he realizes. Lets see the reports on his first 100 days.

TALIBAN
We throw the title around, and many claim it when they are charlatans. The truth is that the talibans' biggest weapon is fear, thanx to the International Media. No one can keep watch effectively forever.

Selah!!

Sum tin wong!!!

2009-03-07T01:27:00.000-05:00

Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2008 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2008 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2008 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2008 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirins to school.
1957 - Mark shares his aspirins with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2008 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2008 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2008- ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

A load of shiitz

2009-03-04T23:37:00.000-05:00

With all the shiitz coming out of Jamaicans mouths, not withstanding that from their rectums, I would never have thought that we needed to bring in more foreign crap to expose our people to. American export products are and have always been inferior to what is available to their domestic market. The opposite holds for Jamaican products. We send the best away and leave the rest for our domestic market.

So why is it that we are importing American shiitz instead of using our own? Perhaps because we still think that all that comes from foreign is good and local is bad. That stinks to me. Human excrement is terrible!! Humans only look good on the outside. Inside we are disgusting in comparison to our herbivore counterparts from whom we usually obtain our fertilizer. A dog bite is cleaner than a human bite!!! Patients with bed sores exposed to their own excrement usually end up dying of overwhelming sepsis due to the massive volume of germs living in our stool!!

Why not process Jamaican excrement then since we are now willing to take the chance on human don't-don't! I suppose they'll say it's cheaper to buy American excrement than to process our own. I'm not reassured that its been tested to American/International faecal standards. I don't care to be exposed to it knowingly (cause for all we know its been happening for years subterfugally)!

They can keep that sh*t!!!

SELAH!!!

P.S. The farmers informed that the regulatory body that certifies their products, doesn't like the human faeces fertilizer so they may lose their international certification for their products if it fails their test!! So much for not doing anything to hurt the Jamaican people.

Corporate Structure defined

2009-01-14T07:11:00.000-05:00

Is your company like this?

CORPORATE STRUCTURE
DEFINED AND ANALYZED

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD:
Leaps tall building in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Discusses policy with God

PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God

EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved

VICE PRESIDENT:
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God

GENERAL MANAGER:
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals

MANAGER:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls

TRAINEE:
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
Says "look at the choo-choo"
Wets him/herself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to him/herself

SECRETARY:
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Is God

God is..

2009-01-09T23:18:00.000-05:00

God is at our beck and call...... not our whim and fancy!

perhaps

2008-12-06T18:52:00.000-05:00

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault... women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'
She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'

Women are clever and evil ... Don't mess with them.

Free sauce?

2008-10-11T23:49:00.000-05:00

So I go to BK and I order a combo 1. There is a sign on the wall indicating that they are no longer giving away sauces with combos. Instead, you may have 2 packets of ketchup or 1 sauce depending on the meal ordered. They then layed out the charges for the different condiments available.

I interpreted it to mean that I had a choice of 2 packets of ketchup or 1 packet of sauce. So I waited until they were preparing my order and told them I would like honey mustard instead of the ketchup. The server informed me that I couldn't get the sauce because it didn't come with the meal. I brought her attention to the sign. She said that I needed to speak with the manager and proceeded to call her. Another server added her two cents and said the manegr need not be called because it was very simple... no sauce comes withe meal so no sauce to be given.

The manager approached and I explained why I was of the opinion that I was entitled to my 1 sauce. She said I was not entitled to the sauce because it was not issued with the meal that I ordered. I asked her which meal is served with sauce. Turns out the chicken tenders is served with sauce. I asked if I could swap out the sauce for 2 packs of ketchups if I ordered the tenders. She said yes. So I said that the sign should indicate that only reverse swapping allowed, since one can alwasy trade sauce for ketchup but never ketchup for sauce. She insisted that the sign was correct and quite unambiguous, although she admitted that sauce for ketchup was all that was allowed.

She then tried to passify me by suggesting that I could purchase the sauce for $30. I told her that I paid with my debit card and they would not allow me to make said purchase because it was below the threshhold for debit card purchases. She agreedd and then suggested I return to my vehicle for coins...... I told her that I would not have purchased the meal I did had I known that was the stipulation. She decided to give me a packet of sauce along with the ketchup, and warned me that in future I would have to pay if I wanted sauce.

The whole time I spoke very softly and with as little emotion as possible. Yes I was looking forward to the honey mustard sauce to have with the fries, especially since I already had ketchup at home and didn't need anymore. But no the whole incident wasn't worth the effort expended.

After reaching home I racked my brain for an alternative interpretation of the sign that would validate what the manager was explaining. Eventually 2hrs later I had a fleeting moment of "lucidity" and I thought I saw what she was saying. I think what they were trying to say is that the originally intended condiments is all they are willing to give you at this time. If you really want it your way right away, cough up some more dough!!

Whopper combo (when I wanted a Bacon whopper but they had no bacon)........... $430
Honey mustard sauce and ketchup (when I just wanted hm sauce) ..... free
Getting the sauce free when the rest of the meal was soggy and unpalatable ..... waste of my damn time!!

For everyone else there's Wendy's!!!!!!

Being miserable

2008-10-05T13:53:00.001-05:00

I tuned in to the Golden celebrations on local television yesterday and I was annoyed by the hitches that took place. We knew from August that we were gonna celebrate our athletes. We had heard it announced that it would be a week of celebrations.

So why were the behind the scenes personnel standing in the way when the dancers were entering and causing the dancers to collide in them as they entered the track? Why did the BMW have to break up suddenly to avoid colliding with the other car in front? Why were the cues missed constantly? How some dancers buss early and others looking to their left and right to figure out what's the next step? etc....

Then what message we sending when the para-olympians had to wheel themselves in while the females were drawn in strange looking carriages and the men come in fancy cars? Ok I can understand the princess carriage and the pearl carriage but what was the pumpkin carriage about? Is she a country bumpkin?

What were the half nekkid girls for in the see-through clothes? Why di girl with Asafa had her hand between his legs and wouldn't move it for nutten?

Bolt did exactly what I thought he would do... Appear, walk the track and dance, causing the security much hassle as they try to pretend to do the job they heard that they were to be doing.... keeping unauthorised persons at bay.

Cross/Angry/Miserable

A few reflections

2008-09-30T05:11:00.000-05:00

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $4,200,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you can read this - Thank a teacher!

Seeking clarification

2008-09-22T17:28:00.001-05:00

I'm trying to understand why in the reports that Haiti has been hit by 4 tropical storms in the last month, that no mention was made of the Dominican Republic. I know that the Geo teacher and I never really made it past aquaintances but I distinctly remember him saying that Haiti and Dom Rep share the same land mass.

Perhaps the Haitians took the cursed side of the island and built on sand while the Dom Repians built on solid ground, but that would just explain the absence of the massive land slides the Haitians won for themselves after playing the game called forest denudation.

The news reports lamented the fate of poor Haiti, and even said that Hanna sat on Haiti for 4 days! Now, if they were talking about Cuba I could understand because if a storm go north, south, NE, NW,.... it lick Cuba. Cuba just in di wrong place all di time. But is never the same part get lick all the time. But Dom-aiti ain't dat big!!! How Hanna decided which side was gonna get di floodin? Plus based on the news reports, all di disasterin was confined to the Haitiian part of the island. Apparently the storms tried to sneak past the Dom Rep and then let go full force on Haiti.

4 deaths in DR and 300 in Haiti. Did the DRians evacuate or something?

Do Haitians at the border bridge light from the DRians?

So if the Haitian side so salt, How come the Haitians don't run away to the Dom Rep?.... How come!??

How to Stay Safe

2008-09-21T01:46:00.000-05:00

How to stay safe in the world today.

1. Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for
   20% of all fatal accidents.

2. Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the
   home.

3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all
   accidents occur to pedestrians.

4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16% of all
   accidents involve these forms of transportation.

5. Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in hospitals.
   Above all else, avoid hospitals.

You will be pleased to learn that only .001% of all deaths occur
in worship services in church, and these are usually related to
previous physical disorders.

Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at
any given point in time is at church!

Bible study is safe too.
The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less.

FOR SAFETY'S SAKE - Attend church and Bible study tomorrow.

IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!

To di worl!!

2008-08-22T21:58:00.000-05:00

Pictures of some of our athletes!

http://basspics.blogspot.com/2008/08/jamaica-at-olympics.html

Bap bap!!

2008-08-22T19:45:00.002-05:00

Instead of shouting 'reach' Jamaican relay athletes now have to scream 'WAIT'!! We too fast now; reaction times too good! Mi proud of all our athletes!

Afasa clear him name. We too good man, we too good. Di USA team dem drop di baton dem cause dem rather DQ than lose to we in everything!!!! LOL!!!

Wi large out backside!!! Who! We dun tek it to di worl! A universe wi a tek it to now!!!!! Bap bap!!

Selah!!

Give me strength, Lord!!

2008-08-18T22:14:00.002-05:00

Michael Phelps has done exceedingly well. He could very well be remembered as the most accomplished Olympian having amassed 8 gold medals in one Olympic game.

As a child I used to watch the Olympics and root for everybody. As I got older I started rooting for the under-dogs. Then I started rooting for anyone I damn well felt like.

I stopped rooting for Americans in the 90s because now I was old enough to hear the commentators and how they spoke about non-American contestants. I thought they were being quite bad-minded unnecessarily. They send one bag of ppl to the Olympics and enter every striking category. If they come out with the most medals that's great for them. But why the hell they have to down on smaller countries and their 2 or 3 representatives? I don't need to know that they left a starving family back home because they used all the money they had to get to the Olympics. That has nothing to do with their current ability. It rarely helps to put things in focus.

I realise that they have to keep talking or risk losing the likkle work but damn it man find positive things to say nuh man!?

Now Bob Costas come seh that Bolt cheated the fans by not running right down to the wire and accuse the man of disrespecting the other runners by beating his chest. Di man do weh him never even realise him could a do. Him shock di world!! Everybody feeling good about it... except the Americans (they don't all share the same views I know). Di American bredda weh come third, instead a happy seh Asafa gi im a bligh, him a come seh dat Bolt's run was not phenomenal. Him couldn't do it. Nobody eva do it before and him a come talk like seh is run of di mill. That is just plain bad-minded-ness. Bob Costas can hold a gold medal for bad-minded-ness as well.

Now I think perhaps I should get the bronze for bad-minded-ness because I watch any and every competition just to see if and when the Americans get beaten. Just because of the ignorance of a few I have condemned all to my bad-minded-ness. As I bad-minded Phelps on the weekend it occurred to me that I doin nothing different than what they do, regardless of any self-justification I may have drummed up.

Give me back those good old days when I watched to see the mastery of the games. When I rejoiced with the winners and commiserated with those who didn't. When I recognised that if they made it to the Olympics they are already winners.

Lord, help me to look past my weakness so that I can appreciate the wonders of the Olympics!!!

Selah!!

SCUBA skills we had to master

2008-08-17T07:28:00.002-05:00

10 min swim
Equipment assembly/ dis assembly
Equipment donning and adjustment
BCD inflation and deflation at surface (oral and low pressure)
Regulator recovery
Regulator clearing
Mask clearing (small leak and full)
Underwater swimming
Submersible pressure gauge use
Alternate air source use
Hand signal recognition
Ascent
Pre-dive safety check
Deep water entry
Snorkel clearing - blast method
Snorkel/regulator exchange
Descent
Surface swimming with scuba
Mask removal, replacement and clearing
No mask breathing
Disconnect low pressure inflater
Proper weighting
Air depletion exercise
Weight removal at the surface
Deep water exit - removal of equipment
Fin pivot (low pressure inflation and oral inflation)
neutral buoyancy swim
Cramp removal
Tired diver tow
Air depletion/ alternate air source use
Free flow regulator breathing
Controlled Emergency swimming ascent

Things we learned above our qualification:
no mask swim
weight removal and replacement (underwater and surface)

Self-contained underwater breathing aparatus

2008-08-16T10:46:00.002-05:00

So Kelly and I are at Couples Swept Away (paying out of wi head-side fi di likkle vacation) when Kelly suggests that we do the beginners SCUBA course since it's included in the package. I'd seen the ppl in the pool and thought that it might be an interesting thing to do, but I ain't into no craziness like turning off air tank... even if it's just in the pool.

So we sign up and our class is on the penultimate day, no proble..... wait.... I'm not supposed to drink before I dive! But it's just the pool so I guess a few pina coladas won't hurt. Wait.... I need to pass the swim test.... I'll just have to try harder in the morning. I'll just cut back on breakfast... sort of ish.

Thursday morning 8:30am, having had a light breakfast we head to the pool. Jump in he says and give me 8 laps of the pool, no time limit, but only free-style. You stop you start over. Sounds reasonable enough. Rhaaaaatid!!! Mi nearly dead!! Maybe I shouldn't have had so much to eat last night.

Kelly takes the lead and I never recover. Finally he tells me I should be ashamed that my wife kicked my ass and I should get out of the water, I just barely made it.

We get some gears we start off slow in the pool.... it's not very deep and my legs drag but we're just doing some simple stuff.... or so I thought. He keeps making reference to when you are diving in open water... I don't know what he's talking about.

After about 2hrs of skills training and some theory, he says "Ok go get fresh tanks and get your gear on the boat"...... WHAT???? Excuse me sir, we only signed up for the basic scuba course.....

So we get on the boat and I'm not amused. Kelly is fine. Soon land disappears and I've further not amused because as I just demonstrated in the pool, my behind cannot swim back to land.

We gear up and enter the water. My weight belt slips off, but I was holding it as instructed so I don't have to dive for it. We begin controlled descent. Down at the bottom was beautiful. My dive buddy (Kelly) abandons me at the bottom of the sea (her weights weren't enough so she kept surfacing despite a deflated BCD)!!

Instructor goes for her but she opts to return to the boat. I go alone. We complete our basic dive skills part and we surface and all is well. Back on land our instructor tells us that we did very well and we seem so comfortable with scuba diving and we could complete the first level of certification with just a few more hrs of confined and open water training and diving. It'll only cost $250 USD..... each.

DAMN!!!!

So after being so psyched, we all sign up (grp of six). Then he gives us a 220 page book to read so that we can sit a test the following morning as part of the certification exam. No drinking or over-eating again tonight. Damn!!!

So we go eat and then hit the books... So Kelly hits the books and I sleep on and off on the book.

Friday morn I have a nervous stomach and use the bathroom twice. Couldn't eat much at breakfast, just some fruit.

No swim test this time. But had to learn to identify, assemble and disassemble our gear and work out our weighs. Then we learned buddy checks and then got geared up and start another 2 hrs in the pool with skills training. I was surprisingly quite calm when he turned off my air.

We finally head out to do the same skills and what we had learned the day before, in the sea. No buoyancy problems this time with Kelly and he refuses to tell us how far down we are supposed to be going. Our depth turns out to be 40 feet. This dive site is even more beautiful. We do the skills as we had learned and we do some sight seeing. No sharks seen or dolphins but no picture can do justice to what we saw. We head into a cave, swim through and surface several metres away. We do some more skills and then we head back to do the written test.

After passing and getting our paperwork done, he offers us one more dive. Kelly is starving so she declines cause we have to leave right away. I decide to go for it. No dive partner I get partnered with a new instructor, but I'm cool with it. We go this time no skills demonstration. This is the full practice of skills with minimal supervision. We see barracuda and a downed Cessna, body to one side and wing to another. Saw some coral with a steady stream of air bubbles rising from them.

All in all a wonderful dive. So now I have 90minutes of open sea diving under my belt.

We are certified PADI Scuba Divers. Next step is PADI Open Water Diver. We have two more levels for that, but our instructor already covered 1/2 of it with us because he says he prefers to over prepare his students. From his experience he sees too many divers come with respective accreditation and still not have some important skills that are in higher levels that he feels that they should have.

So next step is to get some personal gears and sort out the rest of certification to get to the Open Water Diver level.

9.68

2008-08-16T10:24:00.003-05:00

I don't care if they correct it to 9.69. Either way di man is a star!!!

Di man stop run at 70metres and start show boat. Beat him chest and all!! Backside!! Can you imagine if he had kept his form? Yow mi sorry fi him now. Dem a go just hook him up to a blood giving set and test him till him weak. All him mada a get test to rhattid. Di pickney weh him go school wid a go get test. Blertneet all di dawg inna di yaard a go get test!!

Anyway mi soon touch road and mi plan fi drive past the Usain Bolt National Stadium onto the Usain Bolt Highway on my way to the Usain Bolt International Airport fi pick up mi relative dem from flight AB016 (Air Bolt)!!

Selah!!!

P.S. Big up Frater!!!! Di man run him personal best and as far as I concern him mash up dat track!!!!

Mi want fi vex wid Powell but him a feel it now and I think I'd rather be supportive than destructive at this time.

Dr. Hamil

2008-07-28T21:58:00.002-05:00

The original and still the best...... Sybile Hamil, my mom, has had her PhD accepted after a difficult defense and re-write.

The real Dr. Hamil is now in the house!! Dr. Mommy yu laaawwwjjje and live!!! Me seh so!!

Selah!!!

Challenge me

2008-07-28T20:33:00.002-05:00

I love challenges and my family will tell you that I obsess over them until they are sorted out. I'm not too familiar with the giving up policy... even though I may say it in frustration, I always pick it back up as my mind finds some new way to wrap around it.

Internship is a challenge! That is an understatement!! I hate internship and have been emotionally trudging through it although I have been wearing my game face. I tried to figure out what part of it I hated and at first I wasn't objectively able to separate the parts. But having been abused for the past 6/12, I have become sullen and have been having increased thoughts of drinking.

Why?

This weekend I was on duty (Yep Saturday 8am till Monday 4pm) and in the middle of a quick snooze at 3am I jumped out of sleep panicking that I had missed a call from one of the wards I was covering. Then it hit me.

It's not the fact that I am still learning and have to seek advice from seniors about unfamiliar cases or management situations. It's not the lack of sleep that accompanies being on duty. It's not even the number of times you are put on duty, taking you away from home.

What bothers me is the fact that they call me at anytime and often without any respect to order me around. Yes I can spite them by not responding or taking my sweet time but in the end the patient suffers and I won't do that! Everybody orders you around!! I HATE BEING ORDERED ABOUT!!!!!

Sometimes at work I have to walk around to find equipment to get the job done. I work with it. Sometimes you are railroaded by people's personal life as you try to get the job done. I work round it. Sometimes co-workers are not as helpful/considerate. I work in spite of it. But my blood boils every time I am ORDERED to do something.

I not looking any friends and I don't expect them to be sweeting me up. We all have our work to do. I don't think that I am lazy or a shirker of responsibilities. I know that often I am unconventional which I can and do receive flack for, but I get the work done and I put the patient first. I don't work at making life difficult for co-workers, but they just seem hell-bent on pissing me off!!!

Everything they call you for, in most disrespectful tones and often threateningly, you must hop, skip and jump to get it done right away. If you decide that another patient is more important at the time so you stop to sort that out, they call you back with threats and accuse you of all manner of things. At first I thought I was being paranoid. But as I speak to more interns (suffering in silence) I realise that it's a global phenom!!......at UHWI!

Apparently the crabs-in-a-barrel mentality is inherent in the UHWI structure/hierarchy. Ppl know this. Very few make efforts to change the culture.

I have 5/12 to go, now understanding my real challenge..... avoiding a personal small thermo-nuclear explosion...... before I rid myself of this rite-of-passage!!

Pray for me!!

Wiiiiiiiiii!!!

2008-07-23T07:26:00.001-05:00

It's great fun and I'm a gonna set it up on my wireless network.

Nuff said!!

How To Install A Home Security System In The South

2008-07-23T07:24:00.000-05:00

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size
14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns
and Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition.
Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked
the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all
the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.

"Cooter"

Panoridim pride

2008-07-17T20:20:00.002-05:00

I was part of one of the best Panoridim concerts of all time. The production was excellent. The concepts were fantastic. The energy was tremendous. I worked backstage but I jumped, danced, and was spent as if I had played.

I'm still disappointed that I wasn't on stage for this concert, but I am so pleased with the effort that persons put in and the outcome.

In the past people who've watched a Panoridim concert have always enjoyed themselves but singled out certain people for their energy or antics. I didn't see the show from an audience perspective but from the wings it looked like everybody had choreography, energy, stage presence, ..... fantastic!!

I'm still biased and think my basses were the best, but in all honesty pink diamonds in a tiara full of diamonds may shine bright but don't diminish the value of its companions.

Millenium

2008-07-08T21:59:00.003-05:00

Please God! Please help me to endure this season of Digicel's Falling Far!!!

Am I hating? Not at all. But have you heard some of the contestants? Damn!!! Damn!! I thought there was a law against cruel and unusual punishment?!

Anyway, I've never been an ardent follower, usually I've been subjected to them because of my failure to ignore local television. I don't follow American Idol either. Get yourself a record deal and get on tv with a video like everybody else and I'll give you a few seconds listen just like everybody else!

Everybody is equal but some are more equal than others!

Pot o gold

2008-07-08T20:58:00.002-05:00

We need some furniture so if... when I'm relegated to the couch, there's actually a couch!

Woof?

2008-07-08T19:46:00.002-05:00

So the little woman says to me today " I think I may be out of a job come August!" However, I was in the bedroom and she was in the kitchen and the television was on so I pretended that I didn't hear. Why? Because sometimes I can be such a d*ck!!

Truth is that she has been concerned about this since March and been voicing that fear since then. I just didn't want to hear rumours again. I just wanted concrete info in either direction because it means that we can now act in either direction.

I don't want to be yo-yoed!!! Damn it if she's out a job, we're in a serious predicament! Not starving to death but damn near close!!

We'll bounce back, I know. The first 5/12 I had no job and we lived off what she had and pinched some from savings. She's marketable and so I don't expect that she'll be out of job for too long. She may even be forced to concentrate on sorting out her PHd!

I don't like 'woe is me' so I just need to confirm where things are at so I can adjust my mind to what I have to face. But unfortunately this is not just about me. That's the part I forgot.

So now I have to find a way to move out of the dog house, cause as you can imagine, my answer was the wrong answer.

Meddling, muddling, muttering

2008-07-07T22:59:00.003-05:00

I'm not a meddler by nature.... at least not in the truest sense of the word. I actually try to avoid getting into ppl's business outside of the professional free-for-all. But today I meddled!

Years ago two really cool friends of mine met and in turn became great friends. I thought that if any two could work together, those two would. Some how they didn't seem to see it... or perhaps I never noticed more significant happenings... after all, I just wasn't a meddler.

Anyway, as large groups of friends will go, smaller groups will meet and flex until the larger group is a tenuous former link. We all still get along and we're good; and that's good. But the question kept coming back to me... why didn't so and so link up? They are so missing out... so I thought. One dubiously jubilantly occasion, after some whetting of the palate with coconut rum, my big mouth opened with the same question. Naturally there were takers, coconut rum love suss and chat ppl.

So me gwaan wid my dumbass self fi decide seh mi a go henlighten mi fren dem bout dem dire mistake of not lookin dem one a nedda. The only sensible ting I did was stopping after telling the guy.

The ending to this story remains unwritten, not because I'm trying the sweedish writer's technique but because i just too disappointed wid meself for boldly going where I wasn't invited.

P.S. I know some of you will claim that I have fassed b4. But really now guys. If I was merely amusing myself at your expense that can't count? It's when I'm serious that it counts don't it?!

Road to Beijing

2008-07-07T21:01:00.003-05:00

Flashback - Last Olympics I watched in horror as Bolt and Asafa thoroughly embarraaaaaassed me. I promised them both a proper kick down as soon as I saw them a road.

Today - I am quite pleased with them both. Bolt more so because he has grown the most. It helps that 9.72s was done without steroids, genetic enhancements, 4400 rectal abuse, breeze a blow back a him... Di man mek di breeze himself (an a no fawt me a talk)!!!

I am looking forward to this Olympics because I see where we have a fantastic opportunity to see our athletes shine at the highest level. I'm proud of them all. I'm sorry that VC can't do her 100m thing for us, but damn these young girls are fast!! She did her personal best and came 4th. It rough boy!!!

Tyson Gay out with injury. Him did a try run unassisted and hot up im foot!! Interesting. I'm not so sure I'm quite pleased, I wanted him to be properly schooled in 100, 4 x 100, and 200m. But a gift is a gift, don't look the gift horse in the mouth!

I'm sorry Sherece

2008-06-22T13:49:00.001-05:00

I never really knew her. I met her on-duty one night. The order was to take blood for Urea and electrolytes. I did and recorded the results. She was sporting a yellow brannula in her scalp. Her arms and feet were filled with the battle scars of many efforts to cannulate her veins during her lengthy hospital stays in Cornwall Regional Hospital.

We met on subsequent occasions for the same reasons. I found out that she had the new plague (HIV). She now had encephalopathy and nephropathy as a result. Twenty months old and not alive long enough to have earned her suffering, but suffering she was. We stopped trying to obtain the blood from veins... too many sticks and not enough success.

By May she had been moved to the dreaded BED 1, where DIL (dangerously ill list) patients reside. We made her anemic with our blood testing/letting.

June, I was assigned to her ward and now I was seeing her daily and realising how many times for the day she was bled. How she was often left in her own vomit by the night staff bitch...errr nurses because they didn't want to have to clean her several times in one night. I remember calling one of them over and pointing out that "I can't take blood from her as she lies in a pool of her own vomit so please clean her now so that I can work". Then I stood there and watched as she took her own sweet time to do it because I was cutting in on her sleep time and after all, she calls on me during the night to work not the other way round.

I even cleaned her up myself on occasion because it was just too painful to see. A week ago she took a turn for the better. Started sitting up and crawling in her bed. I took a video on my cell phone because no one who knew her would ever believe me if I told them. She started pulling out her urinary catheter and IV lines. We had to bandage her arms. We took out the NG tube and fed her and she chewed. Now she cried when we took the blood instead of just moaning. Veins started popping up!

Then she spiked and then spiked again. I repeated her blood culture.... No growth. Repeated her urine culture.... No Growth! She then slipped back down to where we knew her. NG tube back in and she was becoming dehydrated. Night staff not feeding her because when they do she vomits. I guess I would too if someone just poured all of my feeds down my throat in one go so they can hurry up and go to sleep.

Friday we typed up a notice that they were to feed her smaller amounts more frequently so that she got the amount of feeds she was to get for the night without overwhelming her system in one go. Saturday morning she died while I went to collect results. They cleaned her up and called the family who live in MoBay, and whom I've not ever seen! They didn't have the bus fare to come to town so we had to tell them over the phone.

Then someone gave the order to put her already wrapped body in a large red bio-hazard bag like she was a piece of f*ing garbage!!!!!

I guess to protect others from her. But who was there to protect her from us?!

Really now

2008-06-18T07:16:00.002-05:00

Due to increasing oil prices, 3 big airlines (American, USairways, United airlines) have implemented charges for checked luggage. $15 for the first piece and $25 for the second.

BASICALLY they want you to travel with only hand luggage. Now when you couple this with the fact that food and liquids and deodorant and gels cannot be placed in hand luggage, where does that leave you?

Gimme dis

2008-06-09T22:02:00.003-05:00

Why is it that Jamaicans think that as soon as some tragedy befalls them that they ought to be helped by their MP and they call for the government to come give them handouts and help-ups?

If my house bun down you think that I can go block road and call for my MP? Hell if I did, those same ppl dun laugh and say that I have it and so I must sort out my own business.

It would be nice if government could respond to us like that but it's unrealistic! That's why we have local civil authorities, church bodies and NGO's who step in to assist if they can. And assist is what they do, they don't have to. It's all choice!

But the way you hear Jamaicans on tv talking you'd think that the world owes them assistance. They need to look back and see what the hell they have given for their country that requires payback. Votes for a politician? That's between them and the politician! Please don't involve my tax dollars in that!

If they gave up the criminals in their neighbourhood and then I heard they get burn-out I might be ammenable to my tax dollars being used in such weird ways.

I'm not against assisting. I'm all for it! We are our brother's keeper but that is by choice not by gun-point.

This year

2008-06-07T14:05:00.004-05:00

So I watched the University's Singers concert yesterday. It was a fabulous show. I saw many faces that have been there through the years and many new ones. I watched those faces intently and saw the expressions. I saw when someone forgot which side to rock to and when the conductor counted in a little early and the choir didn't start with him but started on time. I watched as some ppl had no rhythm dancing beside ppl who did.

But you couldn't tell them that they were not having fun. Of course a show may be tedious some days/nights. But you are up on stage.. the lights... the music.... the audience... the exhilaration...

I love it! I love watching it and I especially love being involved in it.

In the 11yrs that I have been a member of Panoridim I have never missed playing in a concert. Even when I had to work out of town and had to come in on weekends to make practice, I played. When I had serious exams coming up, I played. I retired and came back with the mothballs, I played.

This year 2000(love) I want to play but couldn't make the learning practices because of internship. So this year I won't play.... and I'm depressed about it. I won't play, I won't act, I won't be on that stage with the lights, the audience, the band members, in the midst of the music, the fun......

I'm not amused!!

The name game

2008-06-01T03:13:00.000-05:00

Names I definately won't give my children:

1. Chlamydia (yes the yeast infection)
2. Que-anna
3. Ampronelle
4. Evolt
5. Cleverly
6. Urine (pronounced You-Rhine-Y)
7. Hernia

Either they hate their children or ignorance is a bitch!

I like

2008-06-01T02:21:00.000-05:00

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village.

An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the
quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

'Not very long,' answered the Mexican'

But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?' asked
the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to
meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, 'But what do you do with the rest of your
time?' 'I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a
siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my
friends, play the guitar, and sing a few songs... I have a full life.'

The American interrupted, 'I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can
help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then
sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a
bigger boat.'

'And after that?' asked the Mexican.

'With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a
second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of
trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then
negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your
own plant.

You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City ,
Los Angeles , or even New York City ! From there you can direct your
huge new enterprise.

''How long would that take?' asked the Mexican.'Twenty, perhaps
twenty-five years,' replied the American.

'And after that?''

Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really
interesting, 'answered the American, laughing. 'When your business gets
really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!'

'Millions? Really? And after that?' said the Mexican.

'After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village
near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish,
take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings doing what you like
and enjoying your friends.'

'With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what I am doing
now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?' asked the Mexican.

Know where you're going in life ..... you may already be there
.....

2008-05-21T07:08:00.000-05:00

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,and said, "I would like to buy
some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!
I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her Husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Tweedle dee dum

2008-05-18T17:48:00.002-05:00

Reading the interview with Danville Walker in The Sunday Gleaner May 18, 2008 and this is what he had to say about the foll.

Q: What was your biggest surprise in the last 11 years?

A: The remarkable similarities between the PNP and the JLP. I have seen both parties in and out of government; I have run elections internally and externally for both and I see not much ideological differences. I find that the PNP see themselves as career politicians, strongly aligned to academia and the university, and the JLP as a group of business-oriented part-time politicians who have come together to form a party.

I observe their intra-party relationships and those are the same. Both love the country deeply, they are both patriots, with the same hopes and aspirations for the country. What makes them different is that they see the road to success differently. They implement things differently but they are all Jamaicans. It's like the boundaries between them only exists in the mind.

Now how does that strike you? Often we say that they are the same in that all politician a tief! But I've never really heard both compared and spoken of nicely.

I guess when you sit at the table with them and see how they work and think you have a different view from those of us who are on the receiving end of failed policies, human mistakes, and negative effects of external pressures.... Jaded to say the least!

Anyway, regardless of allegiances, the answers lie in partnerships. Times too hard for us to be squabbling. When we sitting pretty on the rock then we can look back and muse about the rough edges.

Right about now, while I and I between a rock(JPS) and a hard place(NWC), I just want to know who answering my cry for help!!

Selah!!

My new PDA

2008-05-06T21:29:00.003-05:00

So we got husband and wife PDAs HP Ipaq classic 111(identical models actually). Trying to get some accessories for it on-line. Managed to get a 1GB SD card for it. Installed my med programmes on it already and am to get some more.

Wifey has decorated it with some themes. She had a DELL Axim X3 before so she is PDA queen.

We opted to avoid the Blackberry craze because we both have such poor luck with phones.

Put them on my home network so we can surf with them and check mail. Bluetooth enabled.

Why? Because I can!!

Also got a printer: HP Photosmart C4380. It is wireless enabled, with SD card slots and a small screen for viewing photos bfore printing from the cards. Also has USB. It is an all-in-one with scanner and copier. Also set it up on my network.

Too bad I'm at work most of the time and can't enjoy it all.

What's next?

I'm still building my AMD desktop system with my LAN party MoBo.
I want an Imac 21".
Do I need it all?
Hell no!!! But damn it would be nice.

New laptop

2008-05-06T19:33:00.008-05:00

HP Pavilion DV9730US Entertainment Laptop

Processor: AMD Turion 64 X2 2.20GHz (I am so an AMD fan)
Bus speed: 1600MHz
Level 2 cache: 2 x 512KB

Memory: 3GB (expandable to 4GB) 667MHz DDR2 SDRAM (PC2-5300)

Hard drive: 250GB 5400RPM

Optical drive: Burns DVDs

Screen size (diagonal): 17" Widescreen (Maximum screen resolution 1440 x 900)
Video memory: 1071MB (shared)
Video card: NVIDIA GeForce 7150M
Altec Lansing sound

Express card: Yes
S-video out: Yes
Media card slot: Yes
VGA: Yes
USB 2.0: 4
Firewire: 1
Infrared port: Yes
Dial-up modem: Included
Ethernet: Yes
Wireless: 802.11a/b/g/n
Bluetooth: No (so I had to purchase a Kensington USB bluetooth adapter)
Built-in webcam: Yes

OS: Windows® Vista Home Premium w/ SP1

Dimensions
Height 1.7 inches
Width 15.2 inches
Depth 11.2 inches
Weight 7.7 lbs

Bought a simple wireless optical mouse to go with it.
Couldn't get away from the Vista on-slaught.
Because it's an entertainment oriented system it comes with simple HP headphones and a remote control for the media centre.

Bought a travel sleeve for it and a stylish knapsack.
P.S. My wife got an HP Pavilion dv6871us 15.4" Widescreen Entertainment Laptop

• Intel Core 2 Duo T5550

• 320GB hard drive

• Built-in wireless 802.11agn

• 3GB of DDR2 memory

• Burns DVDs and CDs

• Built-in webcam

Better Video, Harmon Kardon speakers, light weight, 15.4" viewable screen, Intel processor, better wireless mouse, same sleeve, laptop purse, otherwise same specs as above.

Cassava(novice)

2008-04-26T08:18:00.004-05:00

So our dear Minister of Agriculture has decreed that we need to become well acquainted with the mysterious tuber, Cassava. He has encouraged us to plant Cassava on whatever little piece of land we have and then we are to purchase Cassava flour, Cassava bread, Cassava cookies, Cassava chips, bammy fries, etc...

One farmer, who does not speak for the rest of us, pointed out that he has no intention of getting into Cassava farming because he doesn't know the difference between the poisonous variety and the edible one. .... There is a poisonous variety??

Has this minister ever seen a Cassava tuber? Him know how to mek Cassava flour? Can he tell the difference between the good variety and the poisonous one? Why him choose Cassava and not Yam? We have at least 6 different type of Yam that any non-bumpkin can name and him choose Cassava?!.... The average person only know seh Cassava use fi mek bammy but have no idea how it happen!

Ok fine, let's switch to Cassava. I went to the market and apparently the farmers weren't informed of the decision because I was unable to locate Cassava in any quantity that would supply any market demand. The supermarkets don't have any Cassava bread, Cassava crackers, Cassava chips, Cassava flour, etc.... hell they don't have Cassava anything!!!

Alright lets not get anti-patriotic now. It's time to band together and band our bellies. Farmers you need to start planting cassava and the government will do their best to facilitate this new Cassava initiative.

NOT!!!! Samuda jim-screechying (trademark acknowledged sir) round the corner and importing foreign rice. Him mussi neva hear seh Cassava is king! Him a try get them to drop di tarif pon di american rice. So the show down between Uncle ben and KIng Cassi is looming!

Then Shaw decide seh import duty on vehicles, licensing fees on said vehicles fi increase. But Motor Sales said that included in that list is the vehicles that the farmers typically purchase to facilitate their farmering! So they will have to recoup those costs by raising the price on King Cassi!

For the rest of us, NHT mortgages will do us in before King Cassi makes his maiden voyage. So if you qualified at 6% and decided to 'tin mackerel it out' for a few yrs, yu cawna dawk now cause is 8% it gone to. Dat mean that some ppl not going to be able to make payments and coupled with inflation rate and new taxes, gas price, protection fees due to spiraling crime, you could lose your house easy.

Ppl gonna be pushed closer to the moral border-line. Alternative schemes will flourish. CP's demise won't be a deterrent!

The measly drop in transfer tax not enough to allow the rest of us to afford a piece of land to plant Cassava! We can't even take up smoking to calm wi nerves and stave off hunger!

So minister Cassava-novice, before you make such decrees, please inform the rest of your comrades (since is Manley policies from the 70s you all enacting now) not to shoot holes in your plans before they get off the ground!

Selah!!!

P.S. The learning curve on a new cash crop is about 2 yrs. What we to do till then?

Tangential

2008-04-18T23:20:00.002-05:00

So today I over-heard a conversation that went a little something like this.

'Him beat di pussy fi spell it name. Him also tek off him belt and beat di cock fi fun.'

The persons in the conversation then turned and asked me if that was normal behaviour. I hoped they were being rhetorical. They waited for me to answer. I told them it was not ordinary behaviour.

So why they needed to ask? Then again in our culture why do they think this person is crazy? When a popular DJ tells you to beat it beat it, the whole crowd rails... women louder than men. Cock it up jack it up, bedroom bully, ... Why so violent towards such a delicate body part?

Such strange talk from a full blooded Jamaican. The rude bwoy pledge mandates pussy flogging. No lotion, pet nor powder. Sex is aggression, dominance, WAR!!! But why is that after you have negotiated a mutually beneficial romp in the sack peacefully do we then employ guerilla tactics?

But don't you dare let her think you are soft with hugging and caressing. Deal wid di matta or you are labelled a Wutliss Bway! At the risk of being so labelled and losing card member privelidges in the Jamaican real man club, I must admit that bullying was never my preferred approach and after you get married you spend more time around the table negotiating free trade agreements across all fronts, for the free movements of goods and services.

Thank God I have excellent negotiations skills!!

No need for pussy battering and certainly I was never predisposed to cock beating; my buddy is a stand-up guy whom I've had no reason to disrespect, nor have I had the displeasure of befriending anyone else's.

So it turns out that the conversation that started all of this was really about a young man who did indeed beat his pussy for not being able to spell it's name C-A-T. He also took off his belt and beat the KFC finalist for staring at him.

I suggested that they take him in for a full evaluation at Ward 21 and switch from self-medicating to potent prescription drugs.

Life....... it rough bwoy!!

This or that

2008-04-16T16:52:00.002-05:00

So I am flipping through the multitude of channels that I now have with the flow Ultimate cable package. They skip many channels and some are in HD so I can't watch them. Others are radio stations, so I can't watch them. With all those channels I can still only watch one at a time.... two if you have PIP. So what am I paying for? Options. Isn't that what we always pay premium dollar for?!

You're born and your parents rush to register you at the top-dollar Prep schools because attending there will get you a good education? That's only part of it. Where you obtain your primary education will dictate or mediate where you obtain your secondary education. That in turn is thought to influence where you go afterwards. If you opt out, presumably you'd have made some good contacts that you can rely on later in life. Some schools push you to do many subjects at the secondary level and others couldn't care what you do. Which means that some schools facilitate options.

At university you choose a major and quite often a minor.... a just in case option. This often after a 1st year that still forces you to do basic faculty courses that fundamentaly give you options. Within your major are options. When you leave you ought to have job options.

You join a service club or extra-curricula activity to socialize.... me thinks not! Sub-consciously you are opening up your options. You start courting and if ppl like you S.O. they tie the knot for you. If not, they want you to keep your options open. Some ppl keep their options open unbeknownst to their spouses.

Some ppl pick up habits so that they can have a say in when they die, Russian Roulette style.... smoking, drinking, free-basing, whoreing, politicking, ... Some ppl like a sure thing like eating poorly (fast food), certain occupations like medicine, law, police work, working with asbestos,.... Either way, it's still options!

Why do we like options so much? Because the two most significant occassions in our lives are birth and death and with those we have no choice!

Hmmmm.....

2008-04-04T20:10:00.002-05:00

So I decided to apply for a credit card. I already have accounts at NCB and VMBS so I decided to diversify and go for a BNS card of some sort. Now I have never had my own credit card although I was on my father's CITIBANK credit card very briefly as a teen.

I asked my wife which one she would suggest. She said go for the Scotia Magna Mastercard. It's dual currency and you get reward points for its use. So I walked in and asked for info. They gave me a long list of things I would need to complete the application process. I told the agent that I just started working so I couldn't furnish 3 payslips. Then I went through the rest of the list and told them what I could or couldn't accommodate.

2 weeks later I gathered what I had and went back to them. Gave them what I had and the agent looked at me with disbelief. Apparently i didn't get the memo that it's a priveledge to be chosen to have a credit card. I asked her how often ppl get turned for credit cards and she said not often if they have the correct documents. She said most times they just give it at a lower limit. They apparently start at $30K.

Anyway, I walk out cause my take on it is that if they turn me down it's their loss really cause I don't have any dependence on a card and they need to sell me the drug and allow me to get that high.

So last night my card arrives in the mail. I open and see that my starting limit is just over 1/4 mil. I figure that's pretty decent until my wife looks at it and tells me that as a long time customer her limit was just finally moved to $75K. She's not amused at the obvious preferential treatment being meted out especially since I didn't satisfy all the application requirements. I shrug my shoulder cause at the end of the day she gonna take my card and spend if she wants.

I hear that in Mandeville the banks offer unsecured loans to Drs. few questions asked. Car loans are also quite easy I hear. Funny how the world no level.

Do I feel special? Always did... doctoring don't make a difference. Am I gonna milk this for all it's worth? Perhaps... but right now i don't give too much thought to it cause easy come easy go.

Enjoy the ride? Always do!!

Let it flow.....

2008-04-04T20:01:00.002-05:00

Obviously it means I now have flow. Now I am not making any claims for flow nor am I giving testimonial about them because I've only had them for about 8hrs now and I am just testing it out cause they installed while I was at work. But it is an amazing feeling to know that I am back on-line after an 8 mth hiatus!

Yep that's right. I haven't had internet access at home for the past 8mths. At first I thought I was just going to roll over and die... That didn't happen. I survived with the odd borrowed login times at my mom's house, at Kelly's parent's house, at the medical library, on the secretary's computer at the hospital .... late at night... It was a pathetic existence, but that's what I had.

So can I promise blogging as before?! Not likely, but I can enjoy this reunion.

How special is this? I'm breaking out the Bailey's survival pack for this occassion.

Oh, guess what? This is my 1st weekend off in 4mths!!! Bailey's anyone?!

nothing of consequence

2008-02-29T16:36:00.003-05:00

After 2 weeks of work I started having 1 red stripe at the end of the day. Except on duty days when I'd have 2 on post-duty night. I thought that was a worrying habit but quite satisfying.

Then I went from General medicine to Neurology and Endocrine at the same time. Supposedly lighter services... I left work earlier than General medicine but still not in enough time to do anything suggestive of a life.

I know that this rotation is supposed to be the worst of the lot and that Internship is the worst time of your entire medical career, but this really bites.

I work fast and then near quitting time I get a call of more stuff to be done. So what happens.... I leave late and once again can't do a damn thing. Truth be told I probably should run away in the middle of the day and get some stuff done and then come back to work.

On Wednesday I slipped out (asked someone to cover for me for an hour) and dropped my wife to the airport (sniff sniff I miss her) and returned. It then occurred to me ... perhaps that's why I keep noticing people disappearing in the day and reappearing in the evening. So if I'm so smart why hasn't this occurred to me before? Simply because I fear that as soon as I leave something significant will happen and you'll hear that he wasn't on the job.

Sigh!! Sometimes I just exasperate myself.

P.S. I forgot to check on my patient who was being told by his family about the passing of his wife while he was in hospital. The Psychiatry resident didn't think it would be a big deal.. It's only that they've known each other all their lives (72 yrs).

Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

2008-02-04T17:03:00.000-05:00

1.) Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you
walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

2.) Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy
a lock if you have to.

3.) Buy a Tivo (DVR), tape your late night shows and get
more sleep.

4.) When you wake up in the morning complete the
following statement, "My purpose is to___________ today."

5.) Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.

6.) Watch more movies, play more games and read more
books than you did last year.

7.) Always pray, read your bible, make time to exercise

8.) Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and
under the age of six.

9.) Dream more while you are awake.

10.) Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and
eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.

11.) Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat
blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12.) Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13.) Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your
desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14.) Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy
vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you
cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present
moment.

15.) Realize that life is a school and you are here to
learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade
away like algebra class ......but the lessons you learn will last a
lifetime.

16.) Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and
dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17.) Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy
vampires away.

18.) Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19.) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20.) Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21.) You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22.) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

23.) Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what
their journey is all about.

24.) Ladies - Go on and burn those "special" scented
candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, the good china and wear our
fancy lingerie now. Stop waiting for a special occasion. Everyday
is special.

25.) No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26.) Frame every so-called disaster with these words:
"In five years, will this matter?"

27.) Forgive everyone for everything.

28.) What other people think of you is none of your business.

I pray

2008-02-03T21:48:00.000-05:00

I pray each morning when I get up that I will have the strength to face the day.
I pray as I get ready for Him to take this cup away.
I pray in the car on the way work
I pray that despite the weighty work my duties I won't shirk

I pray as I approach each patient that I'll do the best I can
I pray that whatever I do still fits His master plan
I pray that He'll hasten the passage of time
I pray to go home early... is that such a crime?!

I pray that my patients will get better and to their home quickly go
I pray that if not, their passage won't be slow
I pray that I'll not become cold...er just to get through
I pray that all of you will pray for me too.

Doctor? to date

2008-01-07T19:28:00.000-05:00

Day 1
Dear Nola.... I was quite surprised at your offer to bgin working as a doctor in your lovely institution. I was alarmed at first working on a public holiday and missing out on the New Year's Eve parties and the festivities of the day.. but I managed for the first 4hrs.... till I heard that duty began at noon instead of 4pm as I expected. Sheeeeaaaat!!!

I then sited I.V. lines and took blood till a fool. This ain't doctorin?! Wait are you saying to me that I am supposed to see the patients and clerk them as well as write up their dockets and fluid charts and medication charts? When did that happen? When exactly do I do that running between wards as nurse after nurse calls and Residents call to give me further instructions?

"Dr. Hamil... a patient is unresponsive on Ward #." Excuse me! So I run there and take over CPR. Didn't call the resident. The nurses then asked me if I wanted to give adrenaline. "If you think it would help!" Quite decisive doctor Hamil.

" So are you gonna pronounce the patient now doctor? It has been 30min."
Sheeeeeaaaat!!!

Day 2
--Dr. Hamil work is until 4pm.
-But I'm post call. I haven't slept.
--Welcome to the dawn of the real!
Sheeeeeaaat!

So I left work 8:30pm and didn't finish what I was supposed to do. Got home and slept till morning. Got up just in time to get ready for slave..eeerr... work.

Day 3
--Where are the results?
-I don't have them
--When do you plan to get them?
-Soon?

Left work 7pm
Sheeeeaaat!

Day4
--Where are the results
-Here in my little book
--You care to put them in the docket so that others may have the use of them?
-So that's how it works!

On duty again. No sleeping that night.
Doc this guy has hick-ups.....
well let him sleep it off
That's what's stopping his sleep
ooopsss!!

Doc mi chest!
Ok your heart is beating fine and your lungs are clear so it must be indigestion. Voltaren in your ass!!

Get trace off by PMSing resident over following my Consultant's instructions cause it didn't suit her.

Day 5
But I'm tired.... get back to work. Almost finished what I was supposed to do... almost

Went home 4pm

Day 6
It's Sunday for pete's sake. Hi ho! Hi ho! Get your ass on tha cawner!! Almost finished my work again today. I just can't stand it.

Day 7
Started off nearly killing a patient. Ended by completing my work. It only took me 7 days to get on-top of my work!!!

Ahhhhh! I hear voices now!! Sounds like many people talking from all around.

I think tomorrow I may start answering prayers.

P.S. No I don't think that I have become god-like. It is sarcasm of such a high order that it is best left alone. TB and KG can feel me on that one.

Married life thus far

2007-12-31T20:41:00.002-05:00

The wedding was great. The honeymoon was greater. We came back to prepare for Dean. Not much happened for us or to us in Dean. Water and Electricity back in 2 days. Then elections and then She went away for a week.

The reality of marriage then set in:

My side of the bed is any part that she is not currently using.

If she rolls on-to my pillow, ownership is immediately transferred to her.
I may proceed to sleep on my jowls.

The fan will be turned off if she gets cold despite the fact that it is easier to cover with a sheet and warm-up than for me to use my imagination to cool myself down.

My clothes were moved out of the dresser to make way for hers. I've opted to keep them in a plastic container in the closet to make her feel guilty... to date it hasn't worked.

I have 1/4 the closet space for clothes and shoes... including my plastic container.

The bookcase is mine though!! Ha ha ha (maniacally)!!!

JPS says the water heater need only be on for 1/2 hr before use. She says otherwise. I learned that JPS is wrong ..... if I know what is good for me!

I've learned to wash everything before it goes into the fridge. I learned that breaking this rule or over-doing it is not good for me!

I learned that there is a channel 68 (TLC). Apparently once selected all others refuse to work. Mysteriously 43 (SPIKE) works when she is not at home.

...... I've just learned that doing this post is not good for me because it puts my wife in a bad light when in reality that is not really the case. The last statement was not forced in any way... and this disclaimer was made freely.... if I know what is good for me!!

mumble jumble

2007-12-31T20:21:00.000-05:00

I realise that its a week late but MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!! I heard that it's not 2008 (hate) but 2000-Love cause dats what we promoting!!

I am preparing to go to work for the first time in 5yrs. Real work, with ID and salary, not the "volunteer ism" I been doin at the various hospitals they have sent me to. Now I actually get paid to take abuse... like everybody else.

I am scared out of my mind!!! What di hell have I gotten myself into?!

Anyway, I know it will be alright. It has to be.... aunty Em.... there is no place like home....(click click) there is no place like home...

Disjointed thoughts and i can't claim inebriation... Now that just plain sucks!

Well I buy 2 pants (literally) and two shirt and 2 tie fi wear go a work. But I tink seh I gonna wear back di Bush Jacket dem cause di po-po recognise yu fasta inna dem dan inna shirt and tie and ID.

So I'm on duty new year's night and every Friday night in January. Welcome to Jamrock!! I just have to accept that this year of my life will be donated to this cause. I am looking forward to the second year and actually hope this one goes by rather quickly.

This holiday season was rather low keyed. Spiritually I actually just focussed on the coming and then I failed to properly rejoice on the day cause I was busy running ragged from church to church performing like a travelling minstrel. Then the other days just slipped by. No STING for me this year.... again! Damn it man!

Then I still didn't make it to the beach and I didn't finish the Nintendo game and I didn't finish the novels and I didn't finish my garden work that I planned and I didn't finish the work in the house I wanted to do and I didn't finish building the website and I didn't finish watching all the movies I have been collecting and I didn't finish.....

CARNIVAL 2009 anyone?!!

JFJ?

2007-12-15T10:54:00.000-05:00

Jamaicans for Justice?
Justice For the JLP?
JLP for Jamaica?
Jamaica for JLP?
Junior Force of JLP?

OK half of those make no sense but I still have to wonder.

They were so vocal over the past 5 yrs that it annoyed me... not because of what they stood for but because they kept bringing up issues that were never fully resolved and I was quite angry about the lack of Justice. I noticed a little JLP slant but it could just as well have been an anti-PNP slant which works out to the same thing when voting.

Then since elections,
1. We murdering Police pon rapid.
2. 12 Ppl dead in 1 night
3. Portmore toll going to raise
4. Heathrow slot still sell off & di minister went 2 the shin-dig & partied like a rock star
5. FFM (Fake Finance Minister) announced some interesting accounting practices (moving money from 1 account to look like earnings in another "That's standard Accounting procedure")
6. PM's travel budget in 3mths is 50% of Portia's 12mth budget
7. Trade minister importing foreign rice and want tax exemption status instead of getting it from Guyana, all based on what 1 local distributor told him... him never even bother to talk to Guyana first.
8. Cane Farmers and workers getting bailed out before disaster strikes
9. Free health care to be announced and no increase in staffing to support this increase in demand on the system
10.PM fires PSC cause him never want Vacianni

I could go on and on, but this all reminds me of the bungling of the former administration and all in a shorter time. The only thing listed there that makes any kind of sense is the preparation for the bail-out of the cane industry and that is being pro-active. However, they declared that they inherited zero funds from the PNP and yet they have and are spending like bloody rock stars!!!

Where the hell is JFJ??!! Is it that all is well now? I have to ask! Then Gomes comes on television last night and speaks for the first time since elections. What does she say?.... "The PM is well within his right to fire the PSC because their appointment is a political one and has always been". No big deal?! Is she for real? Even the media has picked up on it and asks the same question. Well apparently their true agenda has been revealed and they may as well disband because JAMAICAS HAVE FINALLY FOUND JUSTICE!!

My take:

Damned if you do : Damned if you don't
Rock : Hard place
PNP : JLP
Cooking Pot : Fire
JFJ : Deal with the devil

Selah!!!

Apparently

2007-12-08T15:52:00.000-05:00

Apparently I am now a doctor. Go figure!

Addendum

2007-12-06T10:35:00.000-05:00

Ethical dilemma resolved!! The ppl have spoken. Let's hope they... we don't stop there.

Bio-active breeze

2007-12-05T10:15:00.001-05:00

I should change my blog title to Bashment SoapBox because over the years that's what it has served me as. Yes I have posted canon-fodder (jokes and other crap) but it is the SoapBox effect that I have enjoyed it for.

Am I at a cross-roads? Aren't we always!? But that's not my motivation today.

I went to vote today in our Local Government Elections. First of all I did not even know who the candidates were. That meant I couldn't sincerely vote based on past efforts or future promises. My vote would be relegated to partisan preference. Now that created a dilemma. Vote for the ruling party so that they would control both the Upper and Lower levels and theoretically could get more done. Or vote for the Opposition so that one party doesn't have all the power but run the risk that they can't get anything done.

I won't share what I decided but I did notice that nearly 3 hrs after the opening of the polling station I was the 16th person to vote in my polling division. That's tragic. It may be interpreted that others avoided the ethical and moral dilemma I faced by not turning up or that they just never saw the need to 'exercise their franchise'.

What does it all mean?

Well it means that in this country we are in serious trouble and we have no interest in doing anything about it. It is difficult to look at the faces of the current crop of politicians and waste your time voting for any of them. But it is ludicrous to not get involved at some level to at least force them to acknowledge that the electorate really does have the power.

As a sceptic, Sweet words mean nothing to me. Promises even worse. I am only willing to listen to something that sounds realistic; so it must include a problem statement, possible solutions, difficulties to be faced based on solution and then the overall cost to me. Anyone who tells me that they can fix whatever problem we are facing on a macro-level, in short order with minimum difficulty may make an appointment with my secretary to kiss my a$$!! Any time of day is fine, I'll make myself available.

The reality is that we the people have to fix the problems and we are not willing to even face that fact much less mount a reasonable assault on the various problems. If we can all just come together and .......

........(Crack!!) ........ My soap box just crumbled under the weight of my BS!!!

I'll continue to do my part despite the deeeeeep sense of futility of it all.

...where are you?

2007-12-03T14:38:00.001-05:00

Pre-September 2007 I heard so much from the JFJ (Jamaicans For Justice) about the crime situation and the Police injustices being meted out willy -nilly.

Post PNP admin departure and they are silent. Has justice been served?

We picking off the police one-one so I guess that solves the Police brutality problem or does it?!

We investigating the PNP for all their excesses or are we?!

We allowing the banks to squeeze the unregulated investment companies out of business... taking poor ppl's money with them on the way down... but weren't these the same companies that funded the JLP campaign after Portia turned down their proposal?

There was no money in the kitty at all: nada, zip, squat.... and yet they have paid out in excess of 2Billion since in power. Bruce's travel expenses in 3 mths is equivalent to 50% of Portia's annual travel budget. We called her's excessive... Is Bruce's own justifyable?

What is happening with the slots at Heathrow? Have we rescued them from the evil forces of skeletor.... oops I mean Branson?!

Is Petro-Carib still being cancelled or we working with it now?

What the backside has really changed and what has happened since? 100 days gone yet?

If mi did deh a STING mi woulda backle hevry artist weh come pon stage at dis point cause mi woulda want back mi money to R@$*&!!!!

...where are you?

2007-12-03T14:38:00.000-05:00

Until.....

2007-11-22T18:09:00.000-05:00

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5 The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself lf, Is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wag es?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'assteroids'?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33 If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times do they become disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?

2007-11-20T17:17:00.000-05:00

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,
"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Interesting if its true

2007-11-08T18:42:00.000-05:00

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq was the cradle of civilization!
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!
6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq
8. Jonah preached in Nineveh which is in Iraq
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel
10. Amos cried out in Iraq
11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem
12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq !
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the 'writing on the wall' in Iraq
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq
16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq
17. The wise men were from Iraq
18. Peter preached in Iraq.
19. The 'Empire of Man' described in Revelation is called Babylon which was a city in Iraq

And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq. However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.

The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia ... The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible. No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated with it than Iraq.

And also, This is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages: The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible) Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle.. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; And there was peace. (Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

The above was sent to me. Now although the biblical references are more or less implicating truth, it fails to reveal the follow up which shows the fall of the eagle. The sons of Abraham ( including Ishamel, Abraham's first child and fore-father of Mohammed and thus Islam) are all to be favoured. I say mek dem gwaan with dem war and lef me outa dat!!! Israel and Iraq a fambily and mi no bizniz!!!

Selah!!

(sigh)

2007-11-06T14:53:00.000-05:00

I don't always understand my father..... but I do love him!

Why men don't write advice columns

2007-11-04T11:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt.
I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't
believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad
passionate love to her.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard
and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her
unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and
began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him
and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I as ked him
why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd
been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he
has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him
anymore.
Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs.. Sheila Usk

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris
in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum
pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the
problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
delivery pressure to th e carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.

Walter

The Gift

2007-10-19T13:57:00.000-05:00

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding
anniversary. His wife told him, "Tomorrow there better be
something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in two
seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

Even More Useless (and maybe incorrect) Facts #3

2007-10-19T13:48:00.000-05:00

There are two credit cards for every person in the United
States.

Cat urine glows under a black light.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Babies are born without kneecaps.  They don't appear until the
child reaches 2-6 years of age.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of
the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton
growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers.  They saw it as
competition.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.

If you yelled for 8 years 7 months and 6 days, you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you
pass gas consistently for 6 years and 9 months enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
(Maybe too many people saw the movie, "Arachnophobia.")

Do you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne
cork than by a poisonous spider?

The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

Hear ye! Hear ye!

2007-10-12T13:48:00.000-05:00

MAN LAWS

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

2. it is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina
Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".(e) When
she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.

5.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday
boy's choice.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model
and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink
as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! (c)
Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are both waiting in
line/walking in, washing hands/using dryers. after that point all
conversation is put on hold. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible
nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again
before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End
of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition of each is listed below:"GUTS" is arriving home
late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a
broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you
flying somewhere?" "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with
the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar,
slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're
next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion,
-The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

It's been so long

2007-09-04T16:30:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness peeps!!! It's been soooooo long!!! I almost feel as if I betrayed you all. But I have very good explanations.

1. Finished school and then got some stupid resit. So I guess I didn't finish school. Resits in med are an automatic 6mths sentence. I guess if you knew your GP failed an exam you'd also want to know that his/her ass went back to school and got the info drummed into their skull. So I guess I'll not belabour that point and get in to the intricacies of the unfairness of the system and power to the student and all that crap.

2. Arguing with them about having to repeat and actually starting the repeat process overlapped into the get ready to get married process.

3. Then I got married In August and that was a phenomenal event and I would need too much time to get into the proper details of that.

4. Moved into my new place and started married life..... sans internet access...... que???

Yep that's right! Not even a single byte floating around. I have to resort to the 45min admin controlled access on campus each day. And the occasional good will of my family..... now that I've left behind the creature comforts of home.

Anyway, I'm off again. Time constraints and all... (I really can't believe this...)!

Later

Dibbles!!!

2007-07-19T08:07:00.000-05:00

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - Malaysian police were left red-faced after a man who abandoned the theft of a $280,000 Porsche for lack of fuel attempted the crime a second time and drove the sports car out of a police station, local media said.

The suspect had first attempted the theft on Monday at a luxury car showroom in northern Penang state, local papers said. Dressed smartly in a suit and tie, he asked for the car keys and promptly sped off, smashing through the glass windows.

The car was later found abandoned a short distance away, its fuel tank empty.

The New Straits Times said the man kept the keys and returned with a canister of petrol to a local police station where the car had been towed. He drove off with the Porsche, ditching it later after he discovered roadblocks had been set up to stop him.

Police were hunting for the suspect, the paper said.

So weh yu seh dibbles? Im coulda neva try dat out ya so cause yu woulda mus ketch im di 3rd time?!

Words for thought

2007-07-18T13:22:00.001-05:00

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties TODAY of its STRENGTH"

Confusius says...

2007-07-16T00:28:00.000-05:00

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Virginity like
bubble, one prick, all gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run in
front of car get tired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run behind
car get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with hand in
pocket feel cocky all day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Foolish man give
wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright
organ.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who walk
through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with one
chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch ass
should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who eat many
prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball is wrong:
man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Panties not
best thing on earth! But next to best thing on
earth.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not
determine who is right, war determine who is
left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put
husband in doghouse soon find him in
cathouse.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with
wife all day get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails
to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like
hell, bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who stand on
toilet is high on pot.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who live in
glass house should change clothes in
basement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in
other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fart in
church sit in own pew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator
smell different to midget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Have you ever...

2007-07-15T23:46:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wanted somebody so badly that:

1. Every part of you ached for their touch
2. Your whole body tingled at their touch or anticipation of their touch
3. You curl up in a ball on the floor in withdrawal pains when they are not around
4. Inhibitions... what's that?
5. You can't eat, sleep, get them out of your head, focus, etc...
6. You don't even want to touch yourself because there is no way it could compare

Have you ever loved somebody so much that:

1. You lose your breath in their presence
2. The whole world grinds to a halt as you watch them walk towards/away from you
3. Your whole life is thrown in confusion and yet seems so clear when you place them in it
4. Your priorities change or become clearer
5. All the stupid love clichés suddenly seem so perfect to say and believe
6. You have entire conversations in your head to them but out loud ne'er utter a word
7. You find religion..... perhaps even God!

Route canal

2007-07-08T00:47:00.000-05:00

About 20 years ago I chipped my left 2nd incisor on my bed head while repeatedly 'kin-poop-a-licking'. Thought nothing of it and life continued. 5 years later the dentist decided that I ought to have it capped/filled to protect it from 'cavity creeps'. I refused, he spoke to my mum, I got a cap!

2 years later it fell off. It was replaced, then it fell off within the warranty time , so the replacement was free. It fell off again and they decided to stem the flow of freeness. So the tooth was shaved and shaped to allow the filling to fit better. During the process I realised that their anaesthetic agent didn't work for me, even at 2.5X the regular dose (talk about grin and bear it).

The cap fell off outside of the warranty. I thought of the drill and needles and popped that sucker back in. Since then it has slipped out and I've pushed it back in. I went back in 2000 for a check-up and having generated enough courage I decided to have the cap replaced. However, my regular dentist wasn't there and in her stead was a Cuban dentist who made me bleed from between every tooth. I spat so much blood I thought it was a Mike Tyson fight, either that or I was in an Ice Hockey game and no one reminded me.

I swore off dentists (silly me) and later decided that I just needed to avoid him. In 2006 they told me that he no longer worked there, so I returned and had my teeth cleaned. At that time I found out that they no longer did free dental examinations (now worth $2000). Perhaps I should have ponied up.

So Wednesday gone my capped tooth starts feeling weird/super-sensitive. I watch it like any other 'real' man would hoping that it would sort itself out and not require any real attention. Thursday I made an appointment to see the dentist as I realised that in this heat I could not drink cold liquids because the sensitivity increased to sharp explosive type pain.

The new dentist informed me that I must be grinding my teeth and so I weakened the filling cause it to crack and the nerve was now exposed. She deadened the area and I prayed with all my might that the anaesthetic would work this time around. It did and I could have kissed her. She drilled and filled and fashioned and shaped and when she was done, my mouth was numb as was my nose but my tooth looked great. I congratulated her on great work, paid them the pound of flesh dripping with blood and went my merry numbed way.

Anaesthetic wears off and pain kick me dung! I can eat but only drink through a straw and its straight up and down the hatch... no time to even taste. I make an appointment for Saturday and I go in. They decide they want to x-ray the tooth and they see that the cap put on Thursday is encroaching on the pulp space and irritating the nerve. the recommendation is root canal!!

He proceeds to explain what it is all about and explain that I need to see the specialist to have it done. I ask if I may be rendered unconscious for the procedure and he says that its no longer necessary to do it like that. I explain to him that I really wasn't asking about the necessity from his perspective but from mine.

He wants to give me Cataflam in the mean time. Cataflam is sweety fi real pain. I declined and decided to tough it out like a man. Now that I can't eat or drink, toughing it out seems like an ass-eeediat thing to do!!

I'm currently drinking wine out of a straw as a more pleasant pain reliever. I am so screwed!!!

I've found that....

2007-06-05T08:38:00.000-05:00

Innocence ends with childhood, but naivety lasts forever!

Releasing your grip

2007-06-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

I recall that ~13yrs ago I used to be so adamant about on-line music piracy and software piracy in general. A friend of mine reminds me how my brother and I came down so hard on him for borrowing CDs and running them all off instead of purchasing his own. I don't recall the actual conversation but it sounded like me.

So what happened that has sent me 180 degrees?!

I remember purchasing my software and then having the support removed because I was out of the continental US. Over and over I did this and got shafted. Then I started using the on-line free versions of software programs, only to have them get bought out once their popularity soared. Things were so bad that for several months I had no antiviral programme and was a sitting duck. Even had my machine hacked! But I had comfort in the fact that I owned over 300 original CDs.... that I never listened to!

Well the downward spiral began with a search for music that I wasn't able to locate in the stores... old songs. Then I started getting remixes of originals that I already owned. Then albums I had bought were stolen from my house and when I replaced them, they got stolen again. Now I was pissed! It seemed to me that the right thing to do was not yielding the results it ought.

Then I saw a documentary about artistes making money from the tours since the record companies were shafting them. Since they were now making money I started justifying getting their music for free. Then I started going for whole albums, then whole discographies, then video clips and then whole movies .... I turned it into an art! Worse I was now doing it because I could and not because I had any specific need. Sounds like an addiction doesn't it!

But that's how sin starts. You get tempted, perhaps when you are down on your luck after trying very hard to do the right thing, or perhaps at a time when you haven't even thought about the situation properly. You know it's wrong but you give the talk a listening ear just to see what is being said. Then you start to justify the action or thought. Having reconciled yourself to the single action you then justify it a bit further or convince yourself that since you dun gone wrong you might as well continue.

Coming back from this spiral downwards is no easy task. You now have a familiar behaviour that is second nature to you and you must now cultivate a new behaviour to replace it. But most times the new behaviour, although the correct track, is not as much fun and is down-right difficult to maintain. The failure rate is high simply because you have to get to 100% sustained in the opposite direction until it becomes the comfortable behaviour. That's denying yourself quite a bit.

It is a tad easier if you have distractions to replace it with systematically, such as Methadone used to step down from Heroin. But it has to provide a similar effect to replace the original!

On our own we fight this really hard battle that leaves too many scars to claim victory. But having someone to help you makes the journey that much easier. Of course if your habit is nothing you want to cop to then who will hold your hand along the way? Only God is comfortable enough to hold your hand.

So as I contemplate repenting of my downloading addiction, I encourage you to examine your life in turn and see what we can give up together in spirit.

It's meeeez!

2007-05-21T08:46:00.000-05:00

At first...

2007-05-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

At first I thought the story was about high school students.... until I read it! Mi cyaaah stop laugh at everything from start to finish!!

Students cursed by principal - Called 'parasites' for not bringing gifts on Teachers' Day

A group of grade-six students who did not give their teacher a gift on Teachers' Day last Wednesday were lined up and given a brutal tongue lashing by the school's principal, THE STAR has learnt.

Students at the Mineral Heights Primary School in May Pen, Clarendon, were allegedly called 'parasites' and 'worthless' because they did not give their teacher a gift. The students were cursed by the principal although some gave extra money towards a treat held for the teacher.

"The students who brought gifts were called one side class by class and there were 10 students who didn't bring any gifts in my daughter's class. The principal told them they were worthless and they are parasites," one parent told THE STAR.

She said her daughter, who witnessed the tongue lashing, said even when one student told the principal that she gave extra money for the party, the principal did not stop cursing them. "You give Mr. .... name of teacher) some cake and some ice cream and when him reach home him sh*t it out," the parent said the principal is alleged to have said.

She said her daughter was so hurt by the statements that she and other students started to cry even though they were not being cursed.

Maureen, another parent who did not want her correct name to be used, said that her child told her about the incident but she thought he was lying .

"This trip I never have it, I didn't even remember the date. They (two sons) have a good relationship with their teachers so I told them to just hug and say happy Teachers' Day," Maureen told THE STAR.

She said later, her son came home and told her that the principal cursed him and other students because they had not taken gifts. "Mi son seh 'Mommy, I was there, but I thought he did not hear right,'" she said.

The mother further said she did not believe that the principal would really say that to the children and said, "If mi go over there and hear say him really say that, then I would believe."

When THE STAR tried to get a comment from the principal on Friday, we were told that he had left early.

However, Mayor of May Pen Milton Brown, who is also chairman of the school board, said he is aware of the incident and has since met with the principal who will meet with the parents and students who were affected with a view to sorting out the issue.

He also said counselling would be provided for everyone at the school who has been affected by the incident. "We are dealing with it and it will be sorted out," he said.

But some residents are outraged and want the principal dismissed. "This is not the first time. I heard he has said other questionable things and you can't have someone like that making an impact on children," one resident said.

Who's laughing now ..........?!

2007-05-14T19:46:00.000-05:00

So should I be the famous one?

2007-05-08T23:44:00.000-05:00

Getting to know me

2007-05-04T14:50:00.000-05:00

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:45am .... got morning prayers with family and out for 7am

2. Diamonds or Pearls? Neither is edible so what is the point?

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Ghost rider......I can't even comment.

4. What is your favourite TV show? TV Shows? That's that box with the light and makes noise.... What will they think of next!.

5. What did you have for breakfast? That's that food eating ritual thing I keep hearing about that ppl do in the morning... where do they find time?

6. What is your middle name? Kanjo, Leslie, Omar, and sometimes Jomo

7. What is your favourite cuisine? A weh dem get dem big wud fram? Yu cyaah seh food? Right now its my SO

8. What foods do you dislike? EGG!!!!

9. Your favourite Potato chip? Fiyah pon pitata!! A banana/cassava/breadfruit/plantain chips wi a defen!

10. Favourite CDs you've been listening to lately? ahhhmmm.... a very wrong mix of dancehall clash tunes.

11. What kind of car do you drive? Mi breda cyar, mi SO cyar, mi cousin cyar, .....

12. Favourite sandwich? Favourite one to lust after or to eat cause is bread and cheese been runnin it from wah day

13. What characteristics do you despise? Bad mind!!!!

14. What are your favourite clothes? fruit

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where WOULDN'T you go? War torn areas

16. Favourite brand of clothing? Mi nuh bizniz wid name brand or even brand new... matta a fact mi nuh like clothes

17. Where would you want to retire? Beach house... minus maskitah!

18. Favourite time of day? ice cream time, lovin time, my time

19. Where were you born? Bashment island Jamaica

20. What is your favourite sport to watch? women mud and oil wrestling

21. Who do you think will not send this back? mi nuh kno

22. Person you expect to send it back first? mi nuh kno

23. Pepsi or Coke? both clean rust off car engine

24. Beavers or Ducks? .......I believe both are edible but duck is filling

25. Are you a morning person or night owl? night hawk forced to be a morning duck....

26. Pedicure or Manicure? A jus Galicure wi deal wid... man a bad man!!

27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? nope

28. What did you want to be when you were little? a doctor.

29. What is your best childhood memory? racing the rain

30. Piercings? left ear twice

31. Ever been to Africa? Only with Toto

32. Ever been toilet papering? Dat commodity too expensive fi waste so

33. Been in a car accident? Yeah an it neva pretty... damn taxi man....bullet!!!

34. Favourite restaurants? chez hamil dem sell food weh weird but wonderful...clearly mi nuh too fussy

35. Favourite flower? baking flour

36. Favourite ice cream? Pralines and cream, coffee

37. Favourite fast food restaurant? chez hamil, dem mek cheese sandwich wid salad dressin

38. How many times did you fail your drivers test? 2 time. Then on the 3rd try im couldn't bother so im mek mi drop im up a road and sign di paper!

39. From whom did you get your last e-mail? penis henlawga ppl dem... dats about it. Don't know why dem keeps writin...

40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Credit...? what name so? Mi is a broke ass hombre! Mi cyah max out mi ATM cause dem nuh allow silver withdrawal

41. Mountains or Ocean? Mountain view hot right about now, so ocean blvd a di lick

42. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? mi nuh kno ... you ask too much question

43. Last person (s) you went to dinner with? Giselle, Gillian, Kelly

44. How many tattoos do you have? Ink fi go pon paper not skin...

45. How many people are you sending this to? Mi nuh kno... yet

46. What time did you finish this e-mail? Mi nuh kno....... too damn faasss!

47. Favourite magazine? Forbes

48. If you could meet any famous person, who would it be? Mi nuh kno... I don't seem to think they are that special any more

49. If you could choose another first name, what would it be? None, mi like fi mi own right about now

50. If you could change your profession right now, what would you be doing? FX trading and be rich Beeatch!

Am I surprised?!

2007-05-01T20:42:00.000-05:00

The latest is flavoured crystal Methamphetamines (Meth) to capture the kids market and ensure sales for the next 20yrs ... or till they burn down their houses cooking it for themselves.

As an aside...... I was sitting minding my business till my cousin said something to me and it turned into a discussion about cricket. I didn't realise that I had so much venom for them in my heart till I was speaking non-stop cursing the current West Indies team and selection board. When I finished my chest hurt, my throat hurt, she and her husband were standing there for however long and their sleeping daughter was now awake and fussing.

I can't post what I said because although it had been tamed down , it was too much.

My parting words.... the selection board needs to go and so does the team. Scrap dem bag a eeeeeediat dem and start from scratch with the current crop of school boys. Pay is performance based... we don't need you as a player... you are replaceable and if you muck it up, demotion back to local level cricket..... if dem want you!!!

Ridiculous

2007-04-27T20:05:00.000-05:00

So Alec Baldwin is involved in a 6 year custody battle with his ex-wife, Kim Bassinger. He calls his daughter and can't reach her so he leaves an angry message calling her a "thoughtless pig". The message 'somehow' makes its way to the internet and is soon heard all around the nation. A Family Court judge suspends his visitation rights after listening to the tape and he is to return to court to see how else they can restrict his parental rights.

I wish we in the West Indies only worried about being called "thoughtless pigs"! How many children would be out of a home if denied parental rights over jack shit like dat?! Dat country set some presidence for some stupid shit.

Di man is not above the law but if he called his daughter's cell phone under the expectation of privacy and left that tame ass message (I woulda let fly some wud pon har had I been sufficiently provoked) he obviously is not a danger to her.

But then again, what the hell do I know!

Oh before I forget.....

2007-04-22T07:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Yep its another one!

I stopped liking b'days when I was about 13 when reality stopped being suspended for me on that day. It's the natural order of things and it had to happen. It's a sign of getting on in years,....

Now I try to hide under my bed from the day and all it entails. But I am constantly harassed for being selfish in not allowing persons to help me celebrate. I try to explain that they don't have to because I am not but that never appeases them. so I stopped and I decided to try and enjoy the effort persons make to make it special.

Then it hit me, I don't spend my b'day doing stuff I like to do... I don't suspend my own reality! Why is that?

Because folks.... I was spoiled as a child! I enjoyed many different things. I never asked for the fab but got it... clearly not like what they do on MTV, but fantastic enough for me. Although I am easily pleased I never made any attempt to please myself. So my failure to enjoy my birthday in the last 10 years is as a result of my own failure to make it special for myself. I depended on the hype of others.

Since that revelation, I have become energised because ideas started flowing and the rest of them that God will bless me with will be a blast.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU OLD BOY!! YOU ARE THE EPITOME OF BASHMENT!
Dun kno! Dun talk!

Selah!!

A song of perseverance

2007-04-22T07:13:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time as the story goes
there lived far away in the Highlands
A big brawny Scot
who spent quite a lot
of his time with a famous spider

His army had been defeated
in battles 2 and 3
and so he'd fled to make a bed
in a cavern beside the sea

Well here dwelt a spider
dangling from a silken thread
dangling there in the air without a sign of life revealing
for the spider was only hiding
an attempt to reach its hiding

When after a time he started to climb
till he nearly reached the ceiling
wheeeeen down came the spider
nearly to the ground

Then he started to climb
bit by bit
will he make it?
Yes he will, no he won't....... x 3
He's done it!!!

Insurance my a$$

2007-04-09T09:58:00.000-05:00

Scenario 1

B. "All rise!"

J. "You sir, have been summoned to this Court today to determine how much you plan to pay for child support."

P. "Warrah wah!? Afta mi no ave no pickney!"

J. "Silence! It has been brought to our attention that you intend to have sexual relations with your girlfriend and the possibility exists that you may end up fathering a child by her".

P. "But pupa Jesus, oonu mad! Mi not even buy boots yet!"

J. "Silence! You have the equipment and the intent to use it so you need to begin paying child support in case a child should be produced from your union. Think of it as insurance!".....

Scenario 2
(soon come)

Insurance, glorious Insurance!....... The biggest scam I have ever come across! Granted, for those who actually get a payment out of them, I'm sure they are quite pleased that they had insurance.

The typical situation is that you purchase your car and you're told that you must purchase insurance in order to operate the vehicle legally on the nations streets. Private roads are not covered. Now you paid $1M for the vehicle and they will gladly agree with you even though they know that if you should wreck it as you leave their parking lot they would have subtracted 10% for possession depreciation.

So they charge you $100K for annual insurance. OK, that's only 10% of the car value... Yah!! At the end of the year, if nothing happens, they keep it and you have to pay them another $100K. That's hardly fair, give me back some of it! Nope! Because they need it to pay those who had accidents (or so they say) and their overhead and then profit of course. Perhaps they will make a few deductions from that for not actually claiming on them and you'll get $5K off your next annual premium.

But what if something had happened. Then they send you to evaluate the damage. Then they have their own approved assessors evaluate the damage, knowing that they are more likely to go with their own person's assessment.... unless of course your guy decides to make a ridiculously lower than cost repair. Then they tell you that you are responsible for the first $25K.....

"Excuse me?! I thought I had insurance to cover the cost of repairs?! Why am I finding my own money now on top of what I paid to you? I did report an accident right... not a purpose! Hell if I did it on purpose I wouldn't be here! I drive an AUDI S4/ Jetta 1.8T/ WRX/ Evo X/ Altezza! Do you really think that I would wreck it on purpose? OR I drive a swift/oxford morris! Do you think I can find $25K upfront? "

It's almost as if they are punishing you for being in an accident. All of a sudden you are guilty till proven .....Hell you're guilty forever, because your premium is increased because you claimed!

But what about house insurance? Same damn story! Buying a new house? You're screwed! Gotta have insurance. Do those who capture land pay insurance?

Term insurance! Set for a specific period offering a pre-arranged coverage. You pay and if nothing happens at the end of the period, they keep the money and you rest easy knowing that had something happened you.... oops not you but your beneficiary would have made a bundle..... At term you keep my money? To claim on it I must be shot to hell, literally! That sucks!

Insurance plays on fears! It encourages an unhealthy fearful reliance on ifs and maybes! The WHAT IF! and JUST IN CASE! factors are overpowering! Rapists and mobsters use the same scare tactics.... ok, maybe that was a bit harsh.

INSURANCE SUCKS!! Now excuse me as I go pay mine!

Is this thing turned on?

2007-04-09T01:39:00.000-05:00

Men yield to Arousal!
Women yield to Desire!

I don't know how true the above is but it sounds like a fair enough statement... of course there will always be exceptions and extenuating circumstances and the myriad of counter statements....

Good Friday in the big big miggle day in church... I am half in/out of church as is my custom. One of the young ladies giving a reflection that day on The Seven Last Words of Jesus Christ sits next to me. I know of her and I've been introduced.... Don't ask me for her name, that info was not there. She got up to present and I notice that something is odd about the pattern on her skirt.... wait a minute.... the pattern is not on her skirt but under it. Damn!!! At this point I can't help but notice that her legs are decent looking. A ground lizard runs by and I'm back to
focussing on the foliage outside.

This is a Catholic Church so there is lots of standing and sitting and kneeling ( you don't have to understand why... just accept it). One of those periods of standing I noticed that the gulf between us has narrowed to a gap. No big deal. There's still room.... yikes! No there isn't! WTF she's leaning on me!! I'm about to freak. I start to look down at her to see if I can figure out why it is that she has initiated a Vulcan Mind-meld. She appears unperturbed and my glance down reveals boobies peaking back up at me. So now I gotta avert my eyes. So I can't look to see what's wrong, and it's not an appropriate time during the service to be striking up conversation and then I remember the lace boy shorts.

I do the honourable thing and shift ever-so-slightly to see if she is stably leaning on me or dependently leaning. Yep... she's dependently leaning. So I shift back cause I can't afford for her to fall. Nothing happening inside the church is registering in my brain. Worse she leaning along physiologically embarrassing lines and it was beginning to respond. I willed it down.... it kissed its teeth and said "my time now"!

As I make tiny shifts and incremental rotations to get her out of the line of fire, I am thinking to myself that this is so stupid and I should just ease her up and mek she balance pon har owna 2 foot weh she gat! She shifts and eases up.... sweet relief.... then she falls back into me, nullifying all the movements I just made. Time to sit again... sigh of relief.

Time to stand again so I take 2 steps forward... she on her own. She steps forward and leans on me again. I lean away, she teeters, I lean back. Finally she sits. I ask her if she is feeling ok and she explains that she didn't eat and so she is feeling weak... (that would explain the leaning). I immediately switch into doctor mode and that was the end of arousal.

She continued to lean, but there was no reaction. No fogging of the mind due to arousal.

Now had it been a dude who leaned on me, church or no church, he'd have scarfed on some knuckle sandwiches!

So apparently arousal makes a world of difference to how we respond. I didn't get myself in trouble but certainly my response was blunted. I'll have to think back and see how arousal has gotten me into trouble in the past.... (if I have to think this hard then obviously it was wishful thinking).

Of course, now I remember her name!

Can we actually get away with this?

2007-03-31T22:15:00.000-05:00

Be the perfect girlfriend…
By Jon Wilde

Reese and Ryan fizzled out, Britney and K-Fed fell apart, and when the dust cleared, all that remained of each blessed union was a crisp pre-nup to divvy up the belongings. Which got me thinking, Why rely on a legal document to fix the end of a relationship when I can use one to create the ideal relationship? So here it is; my contract for the perfect girlfriend. Laugh at it if you will, ladies, but you are about to get some startling insights onto the male mind.

I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Lady”), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [print guy’s name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Man”). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.

Clause 1: Dates

A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad.

B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship.

C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself.
By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice—including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner.

Clause 2: Dialogue

A. The Lady will never discuss an ex-boyfriend.
Rule 2-a above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex.

B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games.

C. Any cute nicknames that The Lady has devised for The Man will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.
Furthermore, The Lady may not devise any nickname that includes a diminutive or that is spoken in baby-voice (e.g., “Little John” or “Snuggle Bear”).

Clause 3: The Bedroom

A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right.

B. The Man reserves the right to his favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. He may permit The Lady to rest on his chosen side if he wishes, but should he find himself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it his right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Lady.

Clause 4: Family

A. The Lady will not ask The Man to meet her family until at least one month of dating has been completed.

B. Upon meeting The Man’s mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man’s recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry.

Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities

A. The Man will be guaranteed at least one Guys’ Night per week, chosen at his discretion. He will also retain at least two extra “floating” Guys’ Nights per month in case of an important sporting event or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.

B. The Lady can never be angry with a man for attending Guy’s Night.

C. The Lady will not call The Man more than once per Guys’ Night.

D. The Lady is encouraged to go out with her own friends as a means for keeping her independence and sense of self. However, there are ground rules for these engagements:
She will not ask The Man to attend any event on the day of a televised athletic match, any event that involves the phrase “pot luck,” or any event that celebrates the birth of a child, impending or otherwise.
She will not expect The Man to attend a gathering solely because the boyfriend/husband of The Lady’s Friend will also be in attendance. Misery does not make good company.
No. Ex-Boyfriends. Ever.

Clause 5: Love

A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.

The Lady will be the first party to speak the phrase.
She will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Man knows it is he who is being spoken to.
The Lady will allow the man at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean he doesn’t feel the same way, only that he is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.
After the first time the Man arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a high-five in return.
The Lady will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Man is in the presence of either friends or coworkers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should he be forced to reciprocate while with said company.
By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Man a truly happy person for the rest of his life, or until you realize that he is a loser who requires his girlfriends to sign legally binding documents.

______________________________
Print your name

______________________________
Signature

______________________________

Man's wisdom

2007-03-26T17:00:00.000-05:00

A young wife, who was becoming frusrated with her young husbands' constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads,

"Baby, I didn't realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry. I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TONIGHT
5. TOMORROW
6. TATURDAY
7. TUNDAY
8. Every Tucking Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I love you too, and it's still TODAY, I'm waiting for you upstairs."

Frank Worrell Commemorative Blood Drive

2007-03-23T17:52:00.000-05:00

The University of the West Indies, Mona annual March Blood Drive has
been renamed The Frank Worrell Commemorative Blood Drive in honour of
legendary cricketer and former West Indian Cricket Captain, Sir Frank
Worrell and to commemorate the 40th anniversary of his death. The Blood
Drive takes place on Tuesday, March 27 and Wednesday, March 28 from 9
am to 6 pm in the Assembly Hall, UWI, Mona under the theme, 'It's a
Habit for Life!'

The Blood Drive has been renamed to honour Sir Frank Worrell for being
the first donor to Nari Contractor, former Indian skipper, who during
the 1962 Indian tour of the West Indies received an injury resulting in
him needing several blood transfusions and two emergency surgeries to
save his life. A blood drive is held annually in Calcutta, India in
memory of Sir Frank Worrell's blood donation to the Indian skipper.

The Frank Worrell Commemorative Blood Drive is a collaborative effort
involving the University Health Centre, the National Blood Transfusion
Bank Service, and a group of final year Social Marketing students from
The Caribbean Institute of Media and Communication (CARIMAC) under the
name IMPACT.

The University Health Centre hosts its annual Blood Drive aimed at
promoting voluntary blood donation among the UWI community. Three
Drives are usually planned over one calendar year. The drive is geared
towards not only the University population but people who live and work
in the vicinity of the University. UWI students and staff are
encouraged to make a special effort to donate blood during the drive.

The life you save may be your own.

I want to go faster!!!!

2007-03-20T09:05:00.000-05:00

I want to go faster. Right now I have J2Ltd's Deluxe package (600/200). I am enjoying it..... Lie!! I was enjoying it but now I want to go faster. Yes I am greedy, but I don't care I want to go faster!!

So I'm waiting on FLOW, who has strung up my neighbourhood but haven't returned to sell us any packages. Are we supposed to call them or something? I keep checking their website to see if we are now listed, suggesting that we are good to go but nothing.

A comparable package to what I have, offered by C&W, is actually cheaper. But I have had enough problems with their stupid telephone (dis)service; landline and cellie, to even think of going with them. J2 is great! I have their director on speed-dial.... I think that annoys him but I like the fact that I have a name I can actually get through to day or night. I usually e-mail them though.... I'm not cruel.

When I had dial-up, I was with Kasnet and they were great with their service as well (cost me an arm and a leg though - $2400/mth). It pained me to leave the security they fostered but I wanted to go faster and they weren't rolling out their wireless internet to my community fast enough. As a matter of fact, they still haven't reached up here and I left them 2 years ago.

Now J2's parent provider is FLOW!!! But they can't match the prices offered by FLOW. I pay $50USD for my 600/200 and FLOW is offering 6,144 / 768 Kbps for J$2,450!! 10X faster than what I have now for 30% less?! Go Flow! It's your birthday......!

InfoChan says that their package is accelerated 5X what they list as the speed. Thus their ADSL Pro should effectively be 7720/1080 for $50USD, but requires me to go ADSL instead of wireless. Granted FLOW wants me to go cable.

Another set of set-up costs and another set of teething pains. If I could just convince J2ltd to just step up their speed offerings so that I can be sated even temporarily. Of course it just occurred to me that my days in this house are numbered so I ought not to be making long term plans for ISP service. Damn!!!

Anyway, if you have any of the following packages, let me know how it has worked out for you so I know what to avoid.

InfoChan

Residential	ADSL Lite	512 / 128	US $30	US $50	Accelerated, 30 mail boxes
	ADSL Home	768 / 256	US $40	US $50	Accelerated, 30 mail boxes
	ADSL Pro	1544 / 256	US $50	US $50	Accelerated, 30 mail boxes

Anbell

PACKAGES WITH TERM COMMITMENT
Package Name	Speed down/up	Term Commitment	e-Mail Accounts	One Time Setup Fee US$	Monthly Charge US$
NetSpeed 128t	128K/64K	1 Year	10	20.00	29.95
NetSpeed 512t	512K/128K	1 Year	15	20.00	49.95
NetSpeed 1024t	1024K/256K	1 Year	20	20.00	69.95
NetSpeed 1544t	1544K/384K	2 Year	30	29.99	149.00
NetSpeed 2048t	2048K/512K	2 Year	40	29.99	249.00
PACKAGES WITHOUT TERM COMMITMENT
Package Name	Speed down/up	Term Commitment	e-Mail Accounts	One Time Setup Fee US$	Monthly Charge US$
NetSpeed 128m	128K/64K	NONE	3	20.00	45.00
NetSpeed 512m	512K/128K	NONE	10	20.00	90.00
NetSpeed 768m	768K/256K	NONE	15	20.00	120.00
NetSpeed 1024m	1024K/256K	NONE	20	29.99	325.00
NetSpeed 1544m	1544K/384K	NONE	25	29.99	500.00

Cybervale

New CyWi PRO PACKAGE Cyber-Premium Cyber-Ultra	SPEED 300 kbps / 100 kbps 600 kbps / 200 kbps	SELLING PRICE US$30 /mth. US$50 /mth.
Installation Cost		US$100(special)

Gotel

Basic Package : $1,000 Per Month Package Includes:
	Gotel To Gotel Calls Free
	1 GoTel Voice Line
	$300 Interconnect talk time*

Add-Ons

Additional Voice Line	$900
64K Broadband Internet	$1,000
128K Broadband Internet	$2,000
256K Broadband Internet	US$65.00
512K Broadband Internet	US$85.00
768K Broadband Internet	US$100.00
1024K Broadband Internet	Call us
Full T1 Broadband Internet	Call us

J2Ltd

Package	Speed (kbps)	E-mail Addresses	Monthly Charge
J2 Lite	300/100K	3	US$30
J2 Deluxe	600/200K	6	US$50
J2 Ultra	1200/400K	9	US$65
Static-IP Addresses			US$50 each

Verge and JACS

Internet Service Packages
Feature	V-Basic	V-Silver
Download Speed	Up to 128Kbps	Up to 256Kbps
Upload Speed	Up to 128Kbps	Up to 256Kbps
Email Accounts	Four (4)	Six (6)
Time Limits	24/7 Unlimited access
Webmail	Global access to email
Installation (One time cost)	J$1,150 (Existing JACS Customer) J$2,300 (New Customer)
Price	U$24⁹⁵ /month*
* Price is subject to GCT

FLOW

Package	Speed Download/Upload	Monthly Access Charge	Hours Allocated	Cost for each Additional hour	Emails Accounts/ WebSpace
Flow Beat	1,024 / 256 Kbps	J$650	10Hrs	J$50.00	3 emails 5 MB
Flow Jazz	1,024 / 256 Kbps	J$1,200	30Hrs	J$20.00	3 emails 5 MB
Flow Rock	4,096 / 512 Kbps	J$1,800	Unlimited	N/A	5 emails 20 MB
Flow Rave	6,144 / 768 Kbps	J$2,450	Unlimited	N/A	8 emails 50 MB

Dibbles fi mi money!!

2007-03-19T17:11:00.000-05:00

Sick at home. Didn't tune in because I had to get some work done and knew that if that television turned on then no work would be done.....

So said so dun. Fortunately, I turned it on after Sarwan's fall. I then sat there watching in silence as Samuels and Lara hitch and jook 1, 1 runs.... not their fault (I thought) because Zimbabwe fielded like nothing. They had no intention of letting anything through.

Impatient, I went on-line and looked to see what had been happening before I tuned in. Gayle hit three 4s, three 6's in a row, and ending with 40 runs!!! Damn boy!!!! Trying for man of the match I see!!

Then Bravo started with three 4s and two 6s, like him want snatch man of the match from Gayle. Then they awarded young Williams MoM.

But nobody can't tell me that the MOM wasn't Officer Dibbles!! Him ketch Bravo's 6 and afterwards him was di girl's dem suga! Beer shake han im get! Den im cellie start ring off. Mi wouldn't surprise if im get promotion!

Anyway's Ireland fighting hard so Friday supposed to be a real thriller. Mi still nah go deh go watch cause mi still bruk!

Bashment!!

God is good!

2007-03-16T07:42:00.000-05:00

My mother goes walking every weekday morning. Somewhere between 5am and 6am she will go out and walk and walk and walk. When she leaves at 5am she walks over to UWI and does laps around Ring Road. If she leaves closer to 6am she will only walk around our complex. I don't have that kind of commitment to anything except my PC!! ...... oh yeah and my SO.

So Thursday morning, she left out closer to 6am and was doing laps when she heard footsteps behind her and they sounded as if they were approaching quickly and coming between her and the car she was passing close to on her left. Since she is used to persons from our community walking at the same time, she thought it strange but not worrysome... until the man grabbed over her eyes with his left hand, which was stink of cigarettes. She was wearing her glasses and had been praying her rosary but had the presence of mind to scream. Those walking ahead of her turned back and the man ran out of the complex. All she was able to see of him was the red vest he had on.

She came home and cried thinking of how her life could have been ended just like that by an unknown assailant. My brother jumped in the car (and she went with him) to find the guy but he had disappeared by then.

In our morning prayers we thanked the Lord for His protection and prayed that the man would turn from crime. I was so angry though..... although I know that anger, fear and depression are 3 faces of the same coin.

This morning I went walking with her, more for my peace of mind than hers. I know I can't protect her from everything but I love her so I'll try. She is better off with God's protection and perhaps one day I'll learn to let go and let Him before I start to think about how I can make a difference.

Selah!!

Crude... read at your peril!!!!

2007-03-13T21:44:00.000-05:00

So you see a girl walking down the road and you ascertain that she looks good. Next thing you know your mind is gone to wondering how it would be like to have sex with her. Why is that? What does her external features have to do with her vagina? Where are the studies that show the correlation between a beautiful woman and the wonders of her vagina? Is she any more skilled in bed?

Ok, so we get bragging rights to say that we bedded a beautiful woman. How does that make me great? If her looks makes the sex good, then one can never have bad sex with a good looking woman until she starts to age badly. But shouldn't she have learned many wonderful treats by then and would be able to do far more for you than the young thing who just sitting pretty? Also, many a man has warned about the siren trap of beautiful women with lots of psychological problems. After the fact (naturally) they have said that the sex wasn't worth it. And yet..... not one of his bretherin would turn her down if given the chance to hit them skins, even after hearing his mixed tale. Why is that?

So we see a woman in tight jeans and a nice top looking all ... BADOW!!! You know when she takes off those jeans that are currently defining her curves that they will return to their normal cellulitic shape. You know that the cleavage is at the expense of the lateral border of her mammaries. Yet we still look and marvel and wonder what it would be like to get her out of them there jeans. Is the lustful drive for her vagina over-riding the knowledge that she will turn into a pumkin once undressed? Of course this ain't a problem if you're Peter-Peter!

What are you doing noticing that her school uniform fits nicely you *@&% pedophyle?!!! If you met her at a teen movie she is too young. If you met her walking with a group that look like they trying to blend in with her hanging out at the mall, she is too young.

I've heard anthropological explanations suggesting that it's a primitive retained instinct that seeks to procreate with a partner that would generate viable progeny; including those that will be able to successfully carry on the lineage, which they would not be able to do if they were butt ugly. If that is so, then why the hell man running from dem yout? Or wear boots because dem don't want di woman to have no reason to look dem up after the fact? If we can selectively over-ride the instinct then it can't be the real explanation.

For years I've puzzled these things and asked my bredrin and none can answer me (asking me if I prefer to run down bottom is not an answer). So I stare at Krysti Hill and Buffy the body and slip on a puddle of my drool and my mind feasts on approaching happy days (August approacheth) and I don't know why but I persist because the drive is so friggin high. I wonder if I accept the norm because of the unpalatable nature of the alternative. I've tried turning myself off to get a distant logical view of things and the rebound rush nearly killed me. That experiment was years ago before my SO, cause now when I see her, everything makes sense and I wonder how the hell man can run down man.

Anyway, all of this was because a friend of mine who knew me through younger days pointed out that my head was no longer snapping back at every skirt or tight jeans and I was no longer able to amply describe every curve of a female that I had glimpsed for but a second. He felt I had changed and been tamed and he was proud of the change because he never thought I would have been of any good to anyone wrt settling down. I have no idea what he is talking about....
Go figure!

Despite all this babble... I still "luv punany bad.. punany to make you happy, punany to make you sad..." and that will never change!!!

Selah!!

WI did it!!!

2007-03-13T17:16:00.000-05:00

I was not at the match.
I tried to keep myself quiet
I had work to do
Then I glimpsed a television screen
Every last emotion was stirred
I was on pins and needles
sweating, fretting,
stomach knots, tension, tension, tension...

Screams!!!!!
I'm spent.
Rolling over to go to sleeeee...........

TVJ poll question

2007-03-12T19:56:00.000-05:00

Should Jamaica continue to strenthen ties with Venuezuela?

Trinidad doesn't seem to want to sell us oil cheaply. Chavez would like to sell poor countries oil cheaply. US hogs the oil and keeps driving up oil prices which our economy can't afford. US has their own oil and still buys lots of oil to make sure that they have 20yrs supply in storage. If 1 oil tanker reach Kingston Harbour late, we have island wide power-cut.

Sounds like there just may be a benefit to us getting oil from Venezuela cheaply!

If we continue to be chummy with Chavez (who keeps teasing poor Georgie-Porgie) then we may face sanctions from the might USA. That would mean trade embargoes and travel restrictions and reduced access to aid and general bad-name of Jamaicans.....

Wait a minute.....

Dem a fight out wi collie-weed, ackee, most abundant natural resources (illegal immigrants.... dem go up deh an work hard so you stay deh!), sugar, banana, and nuff other things.

Dem flood wi market wid dem what-lef which is never at their domestic standard and always marked for export only or for international market only. Dem international standard is domestic reject!

Dem under-sell local products after dem charge arm and leg fi tools and fertilizer so that our local farmers have to sell at high price.

Dem have wi like eeediat outside dem embassy cause di whole a wi a 'crinimal'! Den dem decide seh dem owna people need visa if dem a go visit wi afta dem issue how much warnin seh wi 'voilent', tief, bad-mine, bandooloo, malaria infested (afta dem buy out di whole a di medicine in di island during the first week of the public cry so that we couldn't treat people or give prophylaxis)..... If afta dem hear all di bad tings bout wi dem still want to come here, lef dem nuh! Mi ead a urt mi!

Dem cut back wi aid cause dem seh too much people have money in the country. So fi wi rich people fi gi weh dem money to di poor so that we can all be .... just above poor. Fi dem rich people a do dat? Alright so wi need fi help wiself and dem no want to help wi no more cause .... I don't know. So wah mek dem a go to all world bodies that give aid and a dictate seh wi no fi get nutten without high repayment rates and dictating what wi fi use di money fah!? mek dem no come help wi clean up di corruption, mek government uneasy so dat wi can use di resources weh wi know deh inna di country, fi betta wi people.... but I forget that it is their interference into our politics that has helped fuel the under-table deals that is the backbone of corruption.

So what exactly are we missing out on and what are we fighting for? Are we masochistic?

Rhattid! Halliburton, company that provides logistics for US army in Iraq (formerly headed by Dick Cheney) is moving its headquarters out of the US to Dubai to avoid taxes! Isn't Dubai in the middle east? You know what, mi a form fool a try see sense inna dis ya world. Betta mi hold my praya cawna an rub knee beforin mi mad ova foolinish or get indoctrinated!

Selah!!

Jamaica signs oil deal with Venezuela?

2007-03-12T19:12:00.000-05:00

2005 - Chavez seen in Jamaica in unannounced meeting with PM PJ Patterson. Other regional heads seen as well. Rumour has it that oil deal was being worked out and being signed off on.

2006 - PM PL Simpson signs oil deal with president Hugo Chavez in public ceremony in Montego Bay.

2007 - Jamaica signs oil deal with Venezuela!

What di backside is happening?! 3 diffrant oil deal? Are these updates to the original deal? Is each deal for a separate shipment of oil at a fixed price? It don't make no damn sense to me!

Perhaps the first deal was for castor oil to make up the 'reeeada' people dem concoction to ensure a win in the next election. And the second was for cooking oil to cook all the tripe they been feeding us. Then the third for mineral oil, a natural laxative, cause God know seh wi full of it in dis ya country! Just turn on yu radio anyday and listen to the 'Mutt-erings' of Muta-Barbara Gloudon broadcast 'Nation-wide'. It certainly wasn't for oil as fuel because gas price rise every Thursday. Any week dem miss dem mek up fi it by end a month!

Mi know seh Trinidad on dem way to 1st worl country status (rumour has it that they plan to carry 'backward' Tobago with them... their words not mine), but how dat stop dem from providing oil fi di rest of di Caribbean? Wi nah go pay dem weh dem can get outa world market? Selfishniss!! Dem a flood wi market dem wid dem products, dem culture, dem slakniss, tief weh wi ppl, tek weh wi money and no gi wi nutten fi it in return...... Shytzzz! Dem dun reach 1st world status, cause dat certainly is 1st world behaviour!

Back to di warra-naught oil story (mi vex!!!), what happen to all dem rumours dat di a go bout seh Jamaica poised fi blow up big inna di Caribbean? Wi know seh big country like Australia and China nah waste good millions fi come prospect fi gold and diamonds off di coast of Jamaica! Dem woulda find more at Passa Passa and Weddy-weddy wednesday. So dat story dem did a try sell was more tripe sans a good sauce!

Cuba find oil recently and Australia and China was there again to gi dem loan fi fix up dem refinery. Wait a minute! Wasn't part of our agreement with Chavez last year to fix up wi refinery as well?! Why di land off di south coast a sell off at triple di price under di quiet late inna 2006? What a gwaaan? Mi wah know!!!

I ask?

2007-03-11T12:04:00.000-05:00

Is someone automatically ugly because I don't find them attractive?
So only my opinion counts!

What if someone else finds them attractive, do they stop being ugly?
Conflicting opinions!

What if there is a general consensus.... Desmond Ballentine (aka Ninja man) and Shabba Rankin? They both have many children for different women.... someone found their countenances pallatable!

We know there are culturally 'acceptable' norms for determining attractiveness, but we also know that cultural norms are ammenable. In the late 80s and throughout the 90s we faught the 'bleaching' phenomena tooth and nail. We preached and Dj'd about it and yet today it is so prevalent that you can make an appointment to have it done or visit any roadside spa and have it done as part of an all-inclusive whole body treatment..... hair, nails, bleaching...... they soon have competitions for the best bleacher.... Backside dem might even put out a friggin manual on how to bleach for important occasions.....

"If you are preparing for graduation, determine what shade you are and what shade you wish to be. For each shade lighter you wish to be, give yourself 3 days for face and hands and 4 days for upper trunk. Scars require a double application....."

All of this was born out of a comment I made to myself when I saw 3 cars stopped by 1 oddly shaped lady of the night, I assume working out who would go first. So the issue of ugly has too many shaded areas to call it. So why does it persist? Of what importance is it to us as a collective that we insist on making such a determination? If you figure it out, please let me know!

P.S. The comment was: Some poeple can only come out at night and even then ought to remain veiled.

Are you being served?

2007-03-10T07:22:00.000-05:00

THIS WEEK'S HONORARY UNSUBSCRIBE goes to John Inman.

An actor, Inman was best known as "Mr. Humphries" on the Brit sitcom
"Are You Being Served?" (1972-1985), set in a London department store.

Originally, Humphries was a side character in a cheap suit who only had five
lines of dialogue in the pilot episode. But producer David Croft asked Inman
to "camp it up" -- and Inman pushed it to the hilt, calling out "I'm
free!" and mincing over when a customer stopped in.

Gay rights groups protested the stereotypical swishiness, but the
character was well loved by the public, including in the U.S. where it ran on
PBS. The show was thrust to the top of the British charts and ran for 13 years.
Comedy seemed to be in Inman's blood: his first job was as a window
dresser at, yes, a London department store. During his off times, he'd
stand still in the window himself with a sign around his neck reading:
"Available in Other Colours".

In 1976 he won the BBC's Personality of the Year and TV Times's
Funniest Man On Television award. In recent years Inman suffered
chronic ill health, including hepatitis. He died March 8 at 71.

(Not worth the read)

2007-02-24T08:52:00.000-05:00

I'm one of those sort-of goody-goody students who is always at school and very helpful. I may be accused of being a teacher's pet but that is never my aim. I learn by hearing> seeing and doing, which is fine for me but requires me to be around to hear the explanation along with seeing what is done. That translates into having to be around more than the average bear.

Med students are taught that they ought to stick together because their group mates will be their co-workers in short order. Snitching out people is actually frowned upon, so doing for yourself really is your undoing. So I am always at school and always covering for those who are absent.

But with 57 days to exam and a feeling that "That's all I can stand, I can stand no more" I took a day off..... the way I feel I'm not sure if it's just a day! I did errands, helped my cuz with some work, drank a couple beers (ice cold ..... frosty if you will), did my daily Sudoku, spent some time with my SO, went to Jazz concert at Devon House ('Blues on the green'), finished off the night with good company at Jamrock.... All in all, a day well spent!

But I didn't have a traditional good reason to take a day.... I just didn't feel like going and so I didn't. With regards to school, that is a new concept to me. Don't get me wrong, I always feel like not going and always go..... until now. Whenever I've missed school before it was always some compelling reason (perhaps its importance exaggerated, but excuseable non-the-less).

Boy, all this concern over something really trivial that has already passed and can't be undone. Mind you, I've gone to school and then walked out of class and jumped on a bus heading to Ochi or Morant Bay, just for the fun of it. But I felt better about doing that because I had already turned up.

In addition, this week I missed/ignored/skulled 3 classes. Mind you, they were unscheduled classes not intended for my group but we were invited if we could make it. I did turn up for my scheduled class which was post-poned and so I refused to show for the rest although I had the time. I even hailed up the lecturer as I passed.

This entire week was stamped with annoyance at being at school. I suppose this happens when one is near the end of a very long journey, it gets annoying because you just want to get there and be done with it. The fact that they moved our exams closer together so that we have less time to prepare also makes it an interesting situation.

Anyway..... C'est la vie!

Spread the word!

2007-02-19T20:15:00.000-05:00

I didn't know the Bed and Breakfast idea was so popular but having seen this property first hand I agree that it is suitable for a B&B. Pics of the brochure posted below and you can spread the word.

All night long

2007-02-17T07:20:00.000-05:00

My neighbours who live behind me on the not so legal piece of land, have erected another stone structure, using funds they earned from Friday and Saturday night dances held up inna mi head corner, often feeling like it deh inna mi room. By careful sleuthing (eaves-dropping) I ascertained that it was in preparation for the release of Jah Cure! I thought certainly we are a very friendly set of people in Jamaica, extending our hospitality to all manner of people for profit or otherwise, but .... Jah Cure ..... jus causin seh im deh a prisin an a mek good music?! Dat neva mek no sense!

Some months later when he was once again denied parole, they were despondent and held another series of dances to bun-down babylon system that would deny their innocent 'rass-rapist' cousin from (his rightful incarceration) inside babylon prison. Forget the fact that he is being accorded so much lee-way to make his music and make videos (featuring correctional officers mind you) and that he is played on the radio (excepting Irie FM... Thank you IRIE FM!!) and that he has his money waiting on him because our ledgislature won't allow for reparations to victims especially since he is popular because of the better man themes of his songs despite his open reticence. In light of all the things in his favour, his family continues to believe that he is being unfairly handled.

So yesterday we held a session that started at 3pm and ended at 7:30am (I say we because it sounded as if they had set-up their equipment in my bedroom) I was not only hearing every word and every note, but also the pooping that was occurring in the studio at the time of recording!

My neighbour happens to be one of the dons over there still left standing ( number of them have been killed by police and internal power struggles). He runs the guns and deals with the justice aspect of living over there. When his father was alive we could reasonably co-exist, now when I complain he listens, nods his head, makes the required amount of noise about the injustice being meted out to me, but does whatever he feels like. His mother is a first cousin to our former Prime Minister. They hail from Mobay.

It is becoming easier to be dis-enchanted with Jamaica with all the lawlessness that occurs, without any hope of correcting the situation (The distributors of Napalm have asked that we not burn people with it). Vigilantiism will probably land me a desk job in the Commissioner's office like DSP. Adams..... a de-commissioning, if you will!

I luv 2 B a weiner!

2007-02-06T12:01:00.000-05:00

In everything in life there is a lesson to be learned about ourselves and human nature.

1. In high school I played on the rugby team as a prop. It was my job along with the other prop to support the hooker when we were in the scrum. It was the hooker's job to ensure that he hooked the ball backways into our set of players. The rest of the scrum was responsible for driving the scrum forward so that the hooker would have an easier task of winning the ball. As a prop you were front line in the scrum and also (unofficially) responsible for the trash talking to the opposing players. We squared off with their props, while our hooker squared off with theirs.

We had pretty uniforms.... but rugby is not about that. We were quite disciplined (trash talking the exception) .....but hell no was rugby about that. We would win games against some good teams....... but we never made it to a finals. Since we knew we couldn't win, we would take our victories where we could. So we as props we'd delight in hitting our opponents so hard that he was taken off the field with injuries (all within regulation of course)... "Yeah bitch! Remember the red before you fade to black!" Our uniform was red.

We have many stories about limbs we broke and concusions we gave..... but no clear memories of the games we won. We gave up on that war.

2. We hold regular Kalookie wars... if you've ever played with us you know it's no game. People will sacrifice their own hand to ensure that a common enemy loses. Common enemy changes from round to round depending on who's winning and who dared to double.

Want to know if it's lonely at the top... be a clear winner in kalookie with two rounds to go. You'll be ignored, chatted, cards dealt face up, refused calls, food taken away, insulted when you open your mouth, thrown out of the house if it isn't yours, your ass left behind (outside naturally) if you didn't drive, etc... And this is if you are playing with friends.

Having been on both sides I know the pain of victory and the pain but oh so sweet revenge of defeat.

Nobody likes to lose! But guess what...... Very few win!

So we compensate for the losses, which are the majority of our existence, with small battle victories...or excuses.... So after being abused at work we cut off the borer/taximan because that person not going to get one over on us today as well. Or we bore into traffic because we must get one over on somebody today. Or maybe we don't do petty things but climb atop our soapbox and preach to our blog kingdom (unless you've got a counter and realise that your blog-dom has population 1)!

The message we receive in social engineering is that winners are rewarded. And although we are supposed to fight fair, we know that fighting dirty gets you ahead as quickly or faster.

So the poor man employed as guard at a clothing store earning minimum wage, knowing that the store owners are making a mint off other poor people and he decides that he gonna swipe some clothing, not because he'll trade places with the winners, but simply to win a battle, the lines of his own drawing. Maybe he'll tell you his kids are hungry and he did it for that reason... which may exist, but why didn't he steal from someone else? Why didn't he take a chance and steal food? Why didn't he beg? Why didn't he borrow?

So....

1. Maybe you duke it out like a champ, never give up and fight every battle you can.
2. Maybe you are selective with your battles, labelling some as non-issues.
3. Maybe you internalise and blow like volcanoes on the wrong ppl at the wrong time
4. Maybe you channel it into other activities

Whatever you choose to do, you still do something. Those who don't fight any battles in any way.... we tend to treat with medication. We call the condition ANHEDONIA; a negative symptom of schizophrenia. They take no pleasure in anything... so win, lose, draw... is all the same.

So my big side (reassurance that they are worthy),
no worry bout dem a fight we out (what's happening doesn't affect us being a big side and also fight-out notion is placing blame elsewhere, not our fault)
It's the principle of it (rationalising the fight for the extra point since much issue was made about the attaining of just 1 point)
Dem get fidem bag a point an want to tek weh fiwi 1 point (the awarding of that extra point is the only battle we can win so we will fight for it)
God nah sleep! (more justification, and at a higher level, while ignoring the fact that they were blessed with the victory for a reason)

Selah!!