Bashment Wedding

I am at a loss for words to describe the phenomenon that was Bashment Emru's wedding.

It started at the church as all weddings do. The man was there ready for this new life, ready for this commitment, ready for his wedding. He was the epitome of cool. She was late, 20 min but that didn't phase him. He knew she would be there and so he waited patiently. Guests arrived, she arrived and his big sister played the wedding march. Sharlene marched up the aisle with her father in a wheelchair. It was by God's grace that her father was well enough to make it. This wedding was off to a blessed start.

They celebrated communion together and while they signed the register they were serenaded by the reknowned Kibwe Smith - Baritone. Despite mic trouble the man just projected and tear up the place. But the real big man was Mr. Emru Williams himself who took his wife, no hemming no hawing, with poise and grace and sheer confidence that what he was doing was the best thing in the world.

They took pictures at the scenic Mona Visitor's Lodge lawn, while arriving guests were treated to the sounds of the incomparable UWI Panoridim Steel Orchestra. Tune after tune and hits after hits. Liquor flowed, entertained guests got up and danced. When the orchestra rested, DJ Wayne took over in style thrilling us, keeping us on that high.

The couple came in, the food was served. Deliscious, scruptuous, they had a piece of baked ham that just melted in your mouth. I was sated. I WAS SATED!!!!! More liquor, the orchestra played while we dined. Then DJ Wayne spun again. The newlyweds went from table to table greeting their guests and thanking them for coming out. Toasts were made and Rasheeda Smith toasted Mr. Bashment himself. She tried to roast him but in true bashment style naught but praises fell from her lips. Emru's grandmother gave the most inspiring toast of all (she is 102). She charged him to be the best, be true, be sincere, and be genuine in thoughts, actions and intentions. In that way he would change the world. She charged his wife to make sure that he held those four tennets most high.

The groom's reply was an exercise in waxin poetic. The man flowed better than any cassanova. Rapper's delight, Q-tip, Digable planets, step aside, there is a new Guru in town. He called himself blessed for obtaining a wife he hasn't deserved. He thanked God for her. He recounted how they started off and .......let's put it this way, every man there had much to live up to as this bashment raised the bar.

Very wisely he opted not to toss the garter. Afterall, why should some strange man have his new bride's garter? I've never understood that one; despite the fact that I have caught said garter recently. They dance their first dance to another serenade by Kibwe Smith and then the floor was opened to the rest of us unworthies to boogy on down.

Some really dashing guy in a pimp leopard skin jacket, felt hat and yellow shades to match took the floor and danced until he was soaking wet. He danced Soca, Dancehall, 70s 80s,..... you name it he shook a leg to it. He was just a dancing machine with all the latest moves, trend-setting, attention getting, appetite wetting. Turns out he is......... (wait for it)....... a Bashment Bass. There is just no stopping them.

Eventually the wedded couple bid us a fond adieu to go deal with matters of an adult nature. As I said, is the real big man now.

BASHMENT EMRU AND SHARLENE!!!! Love oonu cyaaan dun!!!