Often we ask "why do ppl cheat?" But based on how prevalent it is now to disregard the sanctity of marriage as well as the increase in occurence of sharing oneself with many others while in non-legally binding relatiuonships, perhaps we should ask "why don't we cheat?"
Everytime the issue is analysed we come up with many excuses; the 'reasonable' ones relate to unfulfilled physical and emotional needs. The main problem is when the needs breach the decision to be monogomous (assuming such a decision was made). There is no denying that we have an internal physical drive that varies from miniscule to super addiction (clearly each has its challenges). But we also have an emotional drive that is just as capable of causing the same destructive behaviour.
No agreement on monogamy:- In this case all is well if neither party is agreed that there is to be monogamy. The individual who fails to specify that wish for monogamy and then complains that they expected it, is silly.
One party wants monogamy:- Get out of the relationship and tell the person to check you back when they ready for that decision. Maybe you'll still be interested.
Both profess desire for monogamy only one means it:- Difficult situation that you can't often see the signs for. The person lied and you may never find out (not necesarily a bad thing). Usually comes to light when a child is fathered, abortion sought, STI has to be treated, HIV in the picture. Real cloak and dagger living with compounded lies to hide a double life.
Both want monogamy:- The usual situation (we hope). What happens here? Unmet needs, physical or emotional or maybe both. Ideally when we have unmet needs we should feel sufficiently comfortable with our partner to approach them and have a decent discussion. Where we don't feel comfortable we may sit hoping they will pick up clues we drop or subliminally get the message. Failing that, we are in the unfortunate situation of being open and susceptible to cheating.
Our responsibility is to approach our partners regardless of fear of asking for what we want/need. If they can't give it to us then we can resolve that issue. If they are unaware of the issue and then we choose to give in to temptation, we are wrong. That certainly is no excuse.
Where your partner unreasonably denies your needs you must consider if you are able to remain with them without resentment and denying yourself. If you can't refrain from resenting them, get counselling to help you both resolve the issue with or without the happy ending. There really is no aceptable reason/excuse to cheat. Cheating is a betrayal of trust; a breach hard to forgive and never forgotten.
Selah!!
11 comments:
Good question. I use to think I was above such things, now I am not so sure, your beliefs and self disciplin have alot to do with it because you cant expect much support from society. We are becoming mere beasts.
I remember in my first relationship, the last 3 yrs of it was long distance, and not one of my male freinds gave an encoraging word, in fact I was a fool for holding out. At the time circumstances made it easy, but outside of that, it gets hard when there is no one to help you through those difficult times. Now dont get me wrong, its not an excuse, at least not mine, but it makes you wonder.
And so it goes on..
What about the partner who sees someone and thinks hey this is a great person - should they leave their long time flame and go to something new?
No use saying that they should get to know the other person for that in the strictest sense is an act of cheating. 'It's the thought that counts' carries through to a lot of other stuff. So ideally one is saying that if you're with someone you're stuck with that person.
Unless you're brave enough to say - 'We're over.' And then give it ALL up for that someone you think might be worth it.
sometimes it's not a s simple as many of us think it is. Nevertheless - it ought to be avoided with the sternest opposition possible.
Well said Aleiya.
P.S.: Be good, don't cheat :D
If you married, you no supposed to a look again. Had you not looked properly before you got married and then married a clown, your fault. Quite unfortunate. If they misrepresented themselves and it nah work out, then you and me can get an annulment and then civil divorce. All else can cut.
If it isn't marriage, it's only binding to the both of ya. You find better leave, you ain't stuck with. But don't go looking keeping someone on a string and then finding nothing come back with eyes wide open cause my eyes ain't wide shut.
Remember not all the time is u doin the lookin. Sometimes its the other way around.
If smaddy a look yu tell dem gweh!! If you allow dem fi check yu and yu no run dem den yu guilty. Whether you do the lookin or are looked if you are in a relationshiup you are guilty if you choose to act on it. We always will consider in our minds if it's worth it but to Jim Screechy to test out a new model is betrayal. Resist or break it off and then do your deed. DFon't drag innocents in with you.
Having been cheated on, despite what Chris Rock said is not coupon-able. You don't have an excuse or right. Done it or stay.
You cannot cheat if you don't have a significant other.
sounds like we still stuck with: 'A think this person is great - but I guess I'll never know.'
My objection is to doing a search after you settle down legally. Don't take that step if you ain't sure. If the person is a fraud then get out and look again. If there is no problem you just found someone better its evil of you to step at that point.
I think evil is too strong a word to use. I dont think it would be so wrong to leave your current beau for someone who makes you happier. Remember you only have 1 life to live, best to live it to its fullest.
Cruel is no better but its what I'd say next. It's not a car so you just change models. You and the other person have both invested heavily in the relationship. You have the right to pursue whomever you want but take the other person ino consideration. If they haven't been unfaithful and haven't given you a reason to go then why give them the shaft?
Good question, though I dont believe there is a hard and fast answer. There are some individuals who believe there is one person out there that is made for them, a 'one true love', a 'perfect match' for them. For believers of this, in their eyes it would not be cruel to leave their current beau for their 'ideal mate'. Unfortunate but not cruel.
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