Confused

Lying awake at night staring at the ceiling
thinking of everything yet nothing.
Lost in incomplete thoughts
confused by the deluge of feelings.

Snatching at a thought,
molding a question
but can't answer,
further confusion......
Tears flow as pieces of conversation are remembered,
all too familiar scenes play.

Is it my fault for expecting too much
am I not human, have I not earned the right
to experience the pleasures of life?
Must my joy be trapped in my mind,
once born in my heart?

Endless questions, a thought makes me smile.
A short break in the flood of emotions.
Sentiments mean nothing, if the feelings aren't the same.
The broken high hurts, tearing me apart.
Almost physical, my stomach in knots
the pain rips at my insides, no respite in sight.

Sighing through tears as lonliness engulfs.
Assuming fetal position, thumb in my mouth,
sleep overtakes, the mental struggle begins to fade.
Trouble shelved until tomorrow,
tomorrow resumes the fight,
tomorrow when the bag bursts once again
tomorrow......
tomorrow at half past midnight.