I'm back!!!! (take it bit by bit don't force it all in)

Missed me?
You know you did!

Anyway, captain's blog, stardate 25092005.

I've just returned from two weeks in the stellar system Mobay Prime. Adventures there were mixed as were fortunes. It all began......

Sunday - Sheena came to pick me up on her way from church. Met her mom who told me to ensure that she did not drive fast. First failure. We made it to Mobay in 3hrs and 15min, in a 1993 Geo 2dr that had no mods.

So we get to the rooms/holding cells/shanties and contemplate returning to town immediately. “I thought we were in Mobay! Where is the opulence?” The bathrooms sucked. Those who know me know that I can’t function with a dirty bathroom. It had shower and bath separate. The shower had missing tiles… the shower had a few tiles left but not from lack of trying. The toilet cubicle was so tiny I had to back in to use it. The beeping unnerved me. I’m sorry I had no camera to capture the squalor provided for us.

The kitchen wasn’t bad. Stove was new and electric and the fridge was clean and fairly new as well. The rooms were hot and dusty and musky and …. We slept with the doors open that night since the wind blew parallel to the rooms and never in them. (Awoke every 2hrs – trend) I’m not bitter. Really!

Monday – woke early to beat the girls into the bath with shower head; had no intention of waiting an hour to bathe in that place. Despite bathing at 6am we still managed to get there late as sleepy heads didn’t rise till 7:30am. It was cool because the coordinator was in a meeting and didn’t see us till 45 min later. We got an overview and then went into the clinics.

First up was STI (sexually transmitted infections ) clinic. 1 in 2 persons was HIV +ve. It was depressing. The oldest person we saw was 29 and the next was 20. It was crazy. After a depressing day we went to the trap and had noodles and watched a movie on a laptop. Slept with doors open again.

Tuesday – woke early again (trend for the duration). Had pancakes, cereal and tea for breakfast. No set time for us to arrive so we got there 10:30am. STI clinic in the afternoon again. Depressed. Went to the sty, movie plans for Transformer 2 got shot, beach plans got shot, ate noodles again. Watched a movie on laptop, entered data, slept with doors open again.

Wednesday – PHN (public health nurse) was sick so no clinic in Glendevon. We rescheduled for Monday, collected data and left early with plans to go to the beach. We went into town and ate lunch at BK. Went in search of internet access ($50/15min). I declined, but others didn’t so I wandered around. Went to bank and cashed the cheques for our living expenses for the 2 weeks ($1500 - I’m rich Beeatch!). We bought a pre-release DVD (bootleg taped in the cinema with ppl laughing and walking by) 40 Yr old virgin for $200. Went to supermarket and then back to the holding pen, watched a movie, I cooked rice and corned beef bashment style, made Kool-aid and then did some work. Girls wanted to go out on the town so that night we went to the ‘hip-strip’. Went to the Bob-sled restaurant and looked at the memorabilia and then went to a jazz club, Blue Beat. (cover charge $0, Red Stripe $4.50 USD, Fruit Punch $5 USD, cutting a poop in di ppl dem stochous hex-tablishment as I left… priceless) $900 in one day.

Thursday – late again. Waited around for contact till we were finally told that they had left and we were to meet them at a church where they conducted the Health Certification Clinics for food handlers and hotel workers. Learned a lot (unlike some of the ppl applying for the license). Determined that thus far our trip to Mobay is a bloody waste of time. Afternoon session was with the Medical officer for the clinic. Surprise, it’s the mad woman we saw the day before shouting at the top of her lungs at the ppl at the clinic. She is eccentric. We get a lecture at 2pm (our timetable said 1:30pm but she said she had told them 2pm). Lack of communication once again. Proving that even in close vicinities and with the same organizational goals ppl will still do whatever they damn well feel like. We head back to the litter box and stop by the lady in charge of accommodation to ask if by chance we were in the wrong place. She informs us “NO!” We try to explain that the place was not to our expectation. One grp member thought we were being too P.C. so she tells the lady the rooms are “FILTHY!!” The lady is in shock and says it’s the first time she has ever received a complaint. She also points out that sleeping with the doors open is not a good idea. Embarrassed by the forthrightness of our companion we leave post haste and have a spat that was resolved by dinner and a movie. Still no beach, we have a hot night with the doors closed.

Friday – late again (trend for the duration). We go to Vector control and sit in a room with a gentleman obviously keen on what he does. He’s proud of the fact that he fumigates his car. We suggest that the fumes are harmful and that perhaps he is injuring himself. He nods in agreement. We then go on the road in search of mosquito larvae.

Returning to the clinic we eagerly await 12:30pm to go to our Port visit. At 12:30pm a very angry bus man approaches us and says he’s been waiting for 15min to take us to the airport. We ascertain his name and he isn’t listed on our schedule. A few calls are made and the contact is on leave. The substitute never heard of us and is indisposed and the bus man is ready to roll for a one way trip; no return voyages. We go after he agrees he’ll wait for us. At the airport he says “15 min den I gone”. I walk off cause somebody goin to kiss my ass today. Dem mus jus decide amongst demself. An affable gentleman fills in for us and apologises for the problems. He takes us around the airport with stops on Air Canada, American Airlines, the rum shop where we got free samples. In a better state of mind the grp member from Mobay informs us that her father would be taking us back to the clinic but he on his way now. Considering that we are grateful for the ride, but pissed that she didn’t consult us or the tour guide as to a finishing time we choose to ignore her and continue with the tour. We go on the new wing still under construction and guess what….THERE IS A DOUBLE DECKER CHARTERED PLANE ON TARMAC!!!! We board the plane as if we are executives and go upstairs and sit in the ultra 1^st class seats. My girl is now quite flustered as her pops been waiting about 10min. So we decide to leave. The walk back takes about 5 min. We are told we can return to complete the tour anytime. We meet her father who takes us back to the clinic no hassle.

We change off and go to the final session for the day at a strip club. We try to get the girls to practice safer sex. We bring free condoms (male and female) for them and speak to them about safe sex. We then have them practice putting on condoms on dildos of different sizes. The 13 x 2” dildo has everyone perplexed, but the girl gets the condom on with ease, thus dispelling the myth that large men cannot use condoms. I also learn that apparently it is not enough to just pinch the reservoir at the top. One needs to also pinch about ½” more to allow for room to move when thrusting quickly. The winner girl suggests to me that I can return later that night where she will have a prize for me. I wink and tell her that I’ll consider it since I know how much of an expert on safe sex she is now.

Back at the clinic, crazy grp girl insists that we go to a party her father is hosting. We agree after much argument and get some really nice dinner. It was true disgrace when we left right after we got the freeness. Not our fault since we had told her that if we went we would not be there for long. So with beer in hand we thanked our hosts and left. Bought new Rum Racer and watched a movie after one girl leaves for the weekend to more hospitable accommodations.

Saturday – Went to beach beside the runway. Planes passed over head to land. Investing in anti-fungal crème sounds good. Mixed all the left-overs and had colic lunch and then went to good friend’s house to do laundry. Her mom cooked me dinner and then gave me Scotch whisky (some expensive brand $500USD/bottle). Took an hour to finish it, eventually mixed it with apple juice to make it more palatable. Went back to the monkey cage and watched a movie.

Sunday – Went to church. 40min walk. Then went to the Wexford for Sunday brunch. My friend Camille and her brother joined me and we had a grand old time. I finally got to hear the song “I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digger….”. Catchy. They dropped me back to Alcatraz and I read my newspapers and sleep. The Portland grp call to say they rented a CRV and are on their way to Ochi. Jealous, my grp members insist we do something. So we go to Coral Cliff. They don’t want to play the videogames, or the slot machines, nor eat, nor listen to the live music. So I go to BK for dinner and then go back for 15 min of live music. On the dot I walk out with them in tow. (Kiss teet; I coulda stayed in lock-down.) I was becoming institutionalised.

Monday – Post Natal clinic. Interesting stuff. Glendevon clinic cancelled again. Early day. I miss Margarittaville water slide. Dinner and a movie. Work on project. Call the other grps to verify where they had reached in data entry and to correct the wrong coding of one question.

Tuesday – We late, she later. Waiting for someone no one knows. So I ask, “Do you let persons just come in and start giving babies injections without questioning them”? No answers. What do I care; I don’t have none. We learn quite a bit and administer some BCGs as well. Give them the talk and all is well. Back at the hovel we get a call saying report to the clinic for our 1pm. At clinic, listed person isn’t there. Substitute drives out and 2^nd sub is on-site and pissed that we are not there. We debate wasting our gas for this and go like good little piglets. Rain falls so visit cancelled…….. Back at the slum we get ready to go to the movies since its N’s b’day. We are late. We watch ‘4 brothers’ (which she has seen already). We then eat at Jerky’s and watch ‘Shall we dance’ on the cable there. Back at the ghetto we do some work and retire for the night.

Wednesday – 5am up to bathe. Have to be ready for 6:45am pick-up to meet cruise ship. Ship docks and we board. Meet and greet and they bring out a small repast. We consume quickly. Got a tour of the ship’s infirmary. Embarassed ourselves when the white south African doctor asked a simple question and was met with 2 blank stares, one wrong answer and a mumbled right answer (from me). We were then taken to the 9^th deck for breakfast. Had I know this I would not have stuffed 4 Danishes down my gullet. I’m always accommodating so feast I did. 10:30am we got to clinic for our 9am. The hotel visit was cancelled for security reasons, so we had to find our own lunch. Damn!

Afternoon was visit to AIDS hospice. We had to drive. We also got word that we were leaving Friday instead of Sunday. Cool place, nice vibe, sad occasions, and good impressions. Dinner and a movie then marathon work on project back at the chamber.

Thursday – woke feeling like crap. Finally Glendevon visit. Spoke too soon. Walked uphill for 20min to see bed ridden 28yro whose heart stopped for 15min after a massive asthma attack. Now at home with shoulder, hip and heel ulcers that needed dressing. Assisted with that and then left. Sad visit. Water quality was next, but we went to lunch by Pizza Hut. Got back 20min late and missed 1^st part of tour which was 15min drive out of town. Not our fault though since the tour guide had emergency so wasn’t able. But had he been there we would have missed it. Second part of tour was fine. Went to airport for second visit. Boarded more planes and had the times of our lives. No free rum this time. Still feeling like crap. Started sweating, running temp, got panadol and went to sleep. Girls made noodles for me and bought juice. Slept fitfully.

Friday – debriefing session. Late again. Debriefed then went to beach and debriefed. Swam and then got free lunch at restaurant courtesy of S’s father’s sweetheart. Bus was waiting back at the cave. Bundled up and bid that shanty town good riddance.