"Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

That’s what Jesus said. You believe that? Well I do. I believe that he would say something like that. It’s in his character. I can imagine it too: Hanging there on the cross with nails in his hands and feet, asking His Father to forgive those who had done this to Him. I can even picture Him thinking about the whole chain of events and all those who played a part. Jesus there, understanding the nature of human weakness that led to this, understanding the ramifications of their actions more than they did and probably ever would. Could they have carried through their plans had they really known? Who would have had the ‘bare-face’ to try or the cowardice to complete it? Look at Judas. Look at how he reached into the bowl and ate even in the face of Jesus’ accusation that he would betray Him. Jesus told him ……and even went as far as to let him know that it was time for him to go and complete the betrayal. Jesus knew, and Judas knew that Jesus knew, but he did it anyway. Could Judas have really understood?

What about his disciples, his friends, who ate with him just the night before. Where we can ease them up for not being able to stay awake while Jesus was praying in the garden, (Niggeritis is not the easiest thing to overcome), we certainly have to hold them accountable for running away when the crowd came to seize the Master. Some friends! In the hours of your greatest need ‘dem’ desert you! Then Peter denies you not once, not twice but three times in one night. Many times I thought that had I been there I would have done a better job. I wouldn’t have denied Him after being warned that I would…..even if it was just to save face. I wouldn’t have run away like the rest. For sure I must be made of sterner stuff than that. Though I suspect the niggeritis would still get me. I can’t understand how they could be so weak.

But Jesus, saw the salvation of the world where I was seeing acts of cruelty, injustice, fear, and shame. So I utter with Jesus “Forgive them father for they knew not what they did”, but for different reasons.

I think back at my own life and I see enough situations where I was wronged. Just recently I was asking the Lord to forgive my paternal grandparents for not having made the effort to embrace me as family. I had been bitter for years over their apparent disregard of me. Then one day the Lord took away the pain and I stopped to ask Him to forgive them for they knew not what they had done. I would be a better person because I had forgiven and had prayed for them. It’s always so easy to take the morally high road.

Well soon after, my older brother called me from Alaska to ask me when last I had spoken to them or visited. I laughed and told him that they don’t business with me but I’m no longer bitter, I’m better. He was silent then he said “If you are doing the same thing back to them then how does that make you better?”

Ok so now there is a pothole in my morally high road. I’d better fill it before others start to ……..

Alright, so I’m no longer on the cross with Jesus. Now I’m in the crowd at his feet. Yes but not all of those at the foot of the cross were enemies. Veronica wiped his face. She didn’t fight off the soldiers and the crowd and whisk Jesus away, but she did the best thing she could think of and that was to wipe his face. And I’ve done that. Look at when those Teen Challenge people ask for money I give them……….. sometimes……..though often I tell them next time and then forget about it. And those windshield wipers, I give them money as well……. sometimes…… except the ones who I think are on crack. But I gave to the Archbishop’s Development Campaign……….. but then I passed the same people who are helped by that contribution, on the road, ignoring them. Yeah well since we are on the subject of road, what about when I stop for people to cross and for goats, dogs, cats, cows, pregnant women and for the girl in the tight jeans …….. not the taxi-men though or those people who like to cut in the line, or those young punks who race on the roads. Yeah I cut them off or cuss them off in my mind.

Now that I’m saying it out loud I realise that it’s possible that there is a chance that perhaps I may have judged the outward appearance. Perhaps I judged.

What about those times when I heard the voice of the spirit telling me that I was going the wrong way. “Don’t read that dirty joke". But I deleted it afterwards doesn’t that count for something? "But Hayden you read every word first. Why do you deny me"? But I didn’t deny you Lord. "You ignored my warning and went against my will… what would you call it? So let me count, that would be 10 times for this week already. Don’t forget to add the time on Tuesday when those little boys came by and asked for $10 or something to eat and between bites of bun and cheese you told them you had nothing to give, because you didn’t want to share your precious HTB bun".

Lord I never looked at it that way. I never thought about it. “Forgive me Father because I knew not what I was doing”.

"Didn’t look at it that way or didn’t want to look at it that way? Aren’t you supposed to be reading the bible with your prayer partner? Did our Father not tell you He is the only judge? Do you not have the New Testament as well as the Old while my disciples only had some of the Old? You have seen the mistakes of those of the Old and New Testament and yet you find yourself still caught in the same cycles. How many times have you chosen to do other than my will so soon after praying “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”? How many times have you thrown your hands in the air in despair and said to me that you can’t deal with this Christian life any more? What did you do when your faith was challenged by non-believers, or when injustice was being meted out before your very eyes"?

Tek time noh Lord! Yes, I walked away. But you know I couldn’t have jumped in to stop the injustice I might have been hurt. "You could have called the Police". That’s true……..I even had a cell phone. "You left me to be hurt. You put yourself first. Your fears, desires, shame".

Come to think about it, isn’t this similar to what the disciples did? I’ve been asked if I would take a bullet for my Lord and saviour. I’ve always thought that I could and would. Yet God has never tested me that way. Perhaps because I haven’t passed the smaller tests of not denying Him or abandoning Him in a time of need.

OK so I’m noticing a certain inconsistency in my behaviour. Was I not here on Sunday belting out at the top of my lungs “Enter into Jerusalem, let us go to God’s house”? So why am I at the foot of the cross today unsure if I had jeered Jesus or driven in the nails?

On that Cross, Jesus said “forgive them father for they know not what they do”. He said that because he knew I would deny him, for my sins, for your sins for our sins.

“Forgive me Father for I now know what I do.”