Dr. Whoop Answers Your Health Questions

ANSWERS TO YOUR HEALTH QUESTIONS

Q: Dr. Whoop, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can
prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it.
Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's
like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it
faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap!

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables! So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is
also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine. That means they take the water out of the
fruity bit, so you get even more of the goodness that way.
Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is
one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one,
etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach!

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HELLO!! Cocoa beans?...another vegetable!
It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! Round is a shape!


This will be copyrighted by Dr. Whoop as soon as he gets out of
his easy chair.

Disclaimer: The advice presented above is not sound. Do not follow it!!