Saturday, October 15, 2005

I'm with stupid!

ONE: Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half
dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager
at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or
twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I
can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six
McNuggets.

TWO: I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and
the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked
up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the
cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
"divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that
today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had
no clue what had just happened.

THREE: A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she
was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet
and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."

FOUR: I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have
replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into
my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience
store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have
an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One
day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out
of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining
blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five "blank" copies.

SIX: I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home
was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of
repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN: My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have
problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in
one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire
downtown?"

EIGHT: Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a
metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the
copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the
suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.

NINE: A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she
needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be
fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher:
Rush him in to emergency!

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

1 comment:

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