Pun for the whole family

These are (supposedly) the 10 First Place winners in the
International Pun Contest. Enjoy!


1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says,
"I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says:
"Dam!".

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Not surprisingly, it sank, proving once again that:
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. Friars behind on their belfry payments opened a small florist shop to raise
funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist
across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
close down, but they would not. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
a thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that: Only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him; (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did!