Wednesday, December 21, 2005

As I see it (nothing of worth)

I am bored, although I have so much work to do. I just can't seem to bring myself to do what needs to be done. I can't seem to focus on the tasks at hand. Luckily none are really critical at this time. I guess I can turn this into a rant of some sorts.

One of my three gravid cats gave birth to 5 kittens on Sunday. Another started acting all funny this evening. I think she is in labour. She ran off. I hope she is alright.

I want to get away. I just want to go! I don't know where, I don't know for how long and I have no idea how. I just want to go. It is a feeling I am well acquainted with as I have always been a wandering soul since my freedom in 94 when I got my license. I learned at the same time that I didn't need the car to get around. I walked and took the bus and drove if I had the chance. I rented cars..... I have never ridden somewhere of signficance though.

I just received a call from a classmate who wondered why I wasn't playing at Emancipation Park with the rest of the band. I'm still getting used to the notion of not doing certain playouts. It sucks. I just don't feel like part of the band. I feel like a visitor. I don't even attend the lymes!!! Heck I don't even hear about the lymes. Then the older pan ppl crew have moved on as well. I don't even hear about their plans much. I suppose it does't help that I am so 'free-time' deficient.

Sigh! I just need some time. A real rest not just a lazy weekend where I spend the time thinking about what I have to do when get off my bum. People from my group take days. Call in sick. I can't do it because I refuse to say I'm sick and unable to make it if I know that I can. I guess it has to do with the whole not wanting to waste an excuse on unnecessary things just in case I really need it. Also I know that I need to see things to learn them. The more I miss, the less I'll learn. The other ppl just need to read and recall for a few days and they are cool. I don't have that ability. See and hear and do = remember.

I saw an amputation today and I believe that I truly have to be grateful. God has really blessed me with some many things and in so many ways. I have no reason to be ungrateful. I can't justify it in any way. How the hell can I complain when I have so much going for me?! I'm human and will always want more (configured another $25,000 quad core G5 Mac) but wanting more doesn't give me the right to complain and ignore what I've already been blessed with. It's like adding to the commodities market.

Anyway, I've lost the vibe for this one so I'm audi. My apologies to those whose time was wasted.

2 comments:

bassChocolate said...

When you start to feel like you're swamped and have no free time, remember to be thankful that you actually have something constructive to do with your life.

Earth Child said...

Hayden I know what you mean about wanting to go somewhere. Sometimes yu just want to go somewhere and be at peace. Anyway I would like to take the opportunity to thank US Airways and Spirit Air for bringing competition to us. I paid J$16,000 in total for a ticket to New York this month and I didn't have to carry my own seat or stand.