31

I can't believe how the time is just flying by so quickly! It seemed like yesterday I was just toasting myself for turning the big 3..0.. now I'm adding another notch under the belt (maybe I'll be able to see the belt now).

How do I feel? How am I supposed to feel?

I figure I must be ungrateful because I don't feel excited and grateful for reaching this milestone. I just want to sulk and hide away. But that's what I want to do every year. I wonder why that is? It's the same way that I made no fuss about my 250th post or my 4500th visitor or appearances on radio talk shows.

I draw attention to myself when playing pan with lots of energy and antics. I do the same when out with friends at the approprate places of course. I step forward when things need to be done and someone has to step out there.... usually out of impatience though.... just get it done already!!.....

Yet when real important occassions arise I attempt to blend into the background. Could it be that these matter? I suppose I could psycho-analyse myself but ..... I'd rather mope.

Sometimes I am concerned that I can't sport on my b'day the way I'd like cause I'm broke and been broke for some time well. I can't even afford to treat myself to cake.... in my pocket is a grand total of ....(drum roll please!) ......$10. I'm rich Beeeeaatchhhhhh!

But as the song goes...." I've got so much to be thankful for.... so many blessings and so many....brand new mercies along the way" So for these I should give praise!

Guess I won't go out and blend into the night on a dark hill and stare at the sky.

Later

P.S. Happy birthday sah!