Hear ye! Hear ye!

MAN LAWS

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

2. it is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina
Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".(e) When
she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.

5.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday
boy's choice.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model
and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink
as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! (c)
Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are both waiting in
line/walking in, washing hands/using dryers. after that point all
conversation is put on hold. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible
nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again
before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End
of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition of each is listed below:"GUTS" is arriving home
late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a
broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you
flying somewhere?" "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with
the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar,
slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're
next!"


We hope this clears up any confusion,
-The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.